I just realised that there is a high probability that I will be flying back with the boys to the UK next Friday. That is in SEVEN DAYS. Has the time come yet to panic? Probably. Best not to think about it I feel. Concentrate on thoughts of Thai food and sausages, ignore state of house and the fact that I haven't found yet the suitcases I need to pack the boys stuff. It'll all be alright in the end. Far better idea to get cracking on one of Kat's Dear So and So blog posts. Much more enjoyable. I can always start the packing tomorrow.
******************************
Dear Winter,
You are DONE. Dusted. Dispatched. Get ye out of here and don't come back. The snow is melted. The sun is out. The smog and pollution is lifting. As they say around here Dosta Zima! (Enough of winter). We won't miss you.
Don't even think of a final hoorah,
Fraught Mummy.
********************************
Dear Car People,
You tried your best. The old yes you have everything you need but what about another sticker on this bit of paper that we haven't told you about before line just didn't cut the mustard. You folded in the end. You have no idea how pleased I am to have the car back. Really didn't know how we were going to get all our stuff back to the UK if you hadn't got bored of us.
Yours, looking pretty mobile
FM
PS - lets not cause us any problems when we have to come and see you in about 2 weeks to sort out the export of the car...
********************************
Dear Tuzla Authorities,
Look! It's Spring! The sun is shining! Everyone is out and wants to play outside. Please please please can you open the playground now? Please?
Yours, not above begging,
FM
********************************
Dear House,
You are falling apart. The fusing of all the kitchen appliances last night was not what was required. Can you just hold it together for a few more weeks? Then we'll be gone and won't have to worry.
Yours, not very good at DIY
FM
********************************
Dear Tuzla Restaurants,
For all this time we didn't believe that any of you did delivery food. But with the failure of kitchen appliances and no way to cook supper the other night we were proved wrong. Not only is there home delivery, but you can do it all online and the pizzas were really good (Pizza Trkacica if anyone interested). Now, if we could just work on the take-away coffee concept...
Yours, enjoying the Bosanska Pizza,
FM
**********************************
Dear Mosque over the road,
Is your microphone broken? This morning I awoke to hear the call to prayer by all the other mosques but couldn't hear you (and we can't miss it when you get calling). Thinking about it earlier, I can't remember the last time I heard it. Hope you fix it soon, but if you wanted to wait until we've moved that would be fine by me too, it is an early start to the morning for us non-Muslims.
Yours, in peace
FM
************************************
Dear friends in Sarajevo,
After I drop the boys off in the UK with my brave and fearless mother (I'm not sure she has totally appreciated what she is taking on) I'm flying back to Sarajevo for a few days. Anyone around Friday April 2nd and fancy a coffee?
Yours, in excitement about a day in the big city without small children to entertain as well,
FM (except I won't be so fraught, more enjoying the swanky bars and cheese cake in the BBI Centar)
***********************************
Dear Tuzla,
You do look so much better when it isn't winter. The skies are clear, the air is so much less polluted. Everyone is having coffee outside. People are out for a stroll in the evening. Really, the spring and summer is when you are at your best. Can't believe we are going to be leaving you now. We'll miss you.
Yours, feeling a touch emotional, and deeply envious of the fun you guys have coming over the next couple of months,
FM
**********************************
Dear driver of the car that hit the dog down the road,
You were driving far too fast. And then you hit a dog, breaking its hip or leg. And then you left it there in agony. I hope you are ashamed of yourselves.
Yours, unable to talk with fury,
FM
***********************************
Dear neighbours,
It was great to see that everyone got together to help this dog, particularly as you are not, in general, a nation of dog lovers. She had shelter, blankets, food and was being kept clean. Particular gratitude to the people who came to take her to the vet, which isn't cheap. The lady in the shop said that you had said that you were going to keep her if the vet could do something for her. I hope she is ok.
Yours, still finding the life that dogs have here difficult to deal with,
FM
***********************************
Dear Mayor,
Are you building another fountain? Pretty sure that the one thing Tuzla doesn't need is any more fountains.
Yours, liking the fountains that are here but feeling there are probably enough,
FM
PS - Tuzla also has enough hairdressers, driving schools, betting shops and cafes. Just in case you were wondering.
***********************************
Dear Boys,
It is spring! How exciting is that? So now we can go outside and play football and draw rockets, go exploring in the woods in Slana Banja whilst fighting dragons and making up stories of whispering armies leading us through the canyons. I've got some new chalks for us, let's play hopscotch this afternoon. And I promise you that you will see a playground in the next two weeks. Life doesn't get more exciting than this. Oh yes it can, you can also have sausages and baked beans for supper in the next two weeks too.
Much love and kisses
Mummy xxxx
***********************************
Fancy a go yourself? Make sure you head on over to Kat's to sign up so we can all come and read them.
Showing posts with label postcards. Show all posts
Showing posts with label postcards. Show all posts
Friday, 19 March 2010
Friday, 26 February 2010
Dear So and So: Bosnian edition, part IX
Oh, I have a few things to take aim at today. My pencil is sharp and I am ready to go!
*****************************
Dear Bosnian Visa Authorities,
We can't renew the registration of our car until we have our visas. Which means that whilst our visa renewal application is STILL sitting in the pile of paper on your desk we can't use our car. This makes me housebound, tetchy and in the mood for a fight. Sort it out or I'm coming over to get rid of some pent up frustration.
Growl,
Fraught Mummy
*******************************
Dear Bosnian Car Authorities,
Please tell me that you are joking. Every car has to have a new set of licence plates (often with a new number) every year? Has anyone ever spoken to you about efficiency, conservation, general use of common sense?
Yours, still not knowing how to take a licence plate off our car because we've never had to do it before,
FM
PS - we have to start the process of exporting the car in March. Any chance we could have it imported before then otherwise we are all going to tie ourselves into terrible knots.
********************************
Dear Bosnian branch of a fairly major European bank,
Surely supplying bank guarantees is part and parcel of your day to day operations? Isn't that what banks do? And even if it isn't, why is it that you can't supply one for 2 weeks just because the manager has gone on holiday? Ever heard of picking up the phone to ask someone else how to do it?
Gah!
FM
*************************************
Dear Nursery,
I don't really approve of how much TV the children watch during their time there, but I do see that you use it constructively so I'm not really complaining. I didn't really approve of you asking everyone to contribute 20KM towards the cost of the TV and DVD player. But all that pales into insignificance compared to how gob smacked I am that said TV and DVD player has disappeared, rumoured by the other mothers to have been taken by the head of the nursery.
Yours, wondering why you don't use your own salary to buy your own TVs,
FM
*********************************
Dear parents of the Roma kids begging at traffic lights,
I don't have a problem with the way in which you choose to live your life. If you want to stand outside in freezing temperatures hoping for 1KM from the odd car, that is your choice. I do however have a problem with the fact that you children are also hanging out at the traffic lights during times when they should be at school. Give your children an education, then allow them to make a decision what they want to do with their lives.
FM
*********************************
Dear Boys,
Temperatures. Coughs. It's the first illness we've had in months and you are being pretty brave about it. If we could just fight a little less about who is going to play with the pirate ship that would be tops.
Yours, administering to your fevered brows,
FM xx
**********************************
Dear Jess,
We don't have a car, so we can't drive to any of the places we usually walk you. We can't take you in a taxi either, so apologies but it is walks on the lead around here for the moment. I do appreciate this makes for a very boring life, trust me we are as keen to get the car back as you are. However, repeated break outs of the garden to go scavenging in the local bins are not welcome and also make you sick. Stop it, or you will be tied up 24/7 like all the other dogs round here.
Yours, in the hope of one day being a top dog in this household,
FM
**********************************
Dear Banja Luka,
I haven't been to visit for a couple of years and I had forgotten what a pleasant city you are. One question though. Your new government buildings, the ones big enough to house the entire state of Luxembourg and half the UN, seem a little, well, large for what you need them to do. I mean, how many government officials does one statelet need?
Yours, seeing that the ethos of bloated governance runs strong in the Republika Srpska as well as the Federation,
FM
*********************************
Dear playground,
Now that the snow has gone is there any chance you could open soon? The boys haven't seen a swing for months. And I'm fed up with them substituting our book cases for climbing frames.
In grateful thanks (and with just a modicum of begging)
FM
************************************
Dear Little Brother,
Your Radio 4 comedy show is GREAT. I'm ever so proud of you, again. Much as it pains me to admit it, you being a right royal pain in the proverbial and all that, but you are most talented.
Yours, knowing that there had to be an upside for all the irritants suffered earlier in life,
Big Sis.
PS - for anyone interested, the show is called Earls of the Court, is a 15 minute 'gentle comedy' about Australians in the UK. You can catch it here. And it isn't just me as the biased big sister who likes it, it's had good reviews too.
**************************
Anyone else interested in having a go? Pop over to Kat's 3 Bedroom Bungalow and sign up so we can all come and read them. Better than therapy, seriously.
*****************************
Dear Bosnian Visa Authorities,
We can't renew the registration of our car until we have our visas. Which means that whilst our visa renewal application is STILL sitting in the pile of paper on your desk we can't use our car. This makes me housebound, tetchy and in the mood for a fight. Sort it out or I'm coming over to get rid of some pent up frustration.
Growl,
Fraught Mummy
*******************************
Dear Bosnian Car Authorities,
Please tell me that you are joking. Every car has to have a new set of licence plates (often with a new number) every year? Has anyone ever spoken to you about efficiency, conservation, general use of common sense?
Yours, still not knowing how to take a licence plate off our car because we've never had to do it before,
FM
PS - we have to start the process of exporting the car in March. Any chance we could have it imported before then otherwise we are all going to tie ourselves into terrible knots.
********************************
Dear Bosnian branch of a fairly major European bank,
Surely supplying bank guarantees is part and parcel of your day to day operations? Isn't that what banks do? And even if it isn't, why is it that you can't supply one for 2 weeks just because the manager has gone on holiday? Ever heard of picking up the phone to ask someone else how to do it?
Gah!
FM
*************************************
Dear Nursery,
I don't really approve of how much TV the children watch during their time there, but I do see that you use it constructively so I'm not really complaining. I didn't really approve of you asking everyone to contribute 20KM towards the cost of the TV and DVD player. But all that pales into insignificance compared to how gob smacked I am that said TV and DVD player has disappeared, rumoured by the other mothers to have been taken by the head of the nursery.
Yours, wondering why you don't use your own salary to buy your own TVs,
FM
*********************************
Dear parents of the Roma kids begging at traffic lights,
I don't have a problem with the way in which you choose to live your life. If you want to stand outside in freezing temperatures hoping for 1KM from the odd car, that is your choice. I do however have a problem with the fact that you children are also hanging out at the traffic lights during times when they should be at school. Give your children an education, then allow them to make a decision what they want to do with their lives.
FM
*********************************
Dear Boys,
Temperatures. Coughs. It's the first illness we've had in months and you are being pretty brave about it. If we could just fight a little less about who is going to play with the pirate ship that would be tops.
Yours, administering to your fevered brows,
FM xx
**********************************
Dear Jess,
We don't have a car, so we can't drive to any of the places we usually walk you. We can't take you in a taxi either, so apologies but it is walks on the lead around here for the moment. I do appreciate this makes for a very boring life, trust me we are as keen to get the car back as you are. However, repeated break outs of the garden to go scavenging in the local bins are not welcome and also make you sick. Stop it, or you will be tied up 24/7 like all the other dogs round here.
Yours, in the hope of one day being a top dog in this household,
FM
**********************************
Dear Banja Luka,
I haven't been to visit for a couple of years and I had forgotten what a pleasant city you are. One question though. Your new government buildings, the ones big enough to house the entire state of Luxembourg and half the UN, seem a little, well, large for what you need them to do. I mean, how many government officials does one statelet need?
Yours, seeing that the ethos of bloated governance runs strong in the Republika Srpska as well as the Federation,
FM
*********************************
Dear playground,
Now that the snow has gone is there any chance you could open soon? The boys haven't seen a swing for months. And I'm fed up with them substituting our book cases for climbing frames.
In grateful thanks (and with just a modicum of begging)
FM
************************************
Dear Little Brother,
Your Radio 4 comedy show is GREAT. I'm ever so proud of you, again. Much as it pains me to admit it, you being a right royal pain in the proverbial and all that, but you are most talented.
Yours, knowing that there had to be an upside for all the irritants suffered earlier in life,
Big Sis.
PS - for anyone interested, the show is called Earls of the Court, is a 15 minute 'gentle comedy' about Australians in the UK. You can catch it here. And it isn't just me as the biased big sister who likes it, it's had good reviews too.
**************************
Anyone else interested in having a go? Pop over to Kat's 3 Bedroom Bungalow and sign up so we can all come and read them. Better than therapy, seriously.
Friday, 29 January 2010
Dear So and So: Bosnian Edition Part VIII
I've been sharpening my pencil over the past couple of weeks and I've got plenty to say. So here are the postcards that I wish to write to all and sundry.
**********************************************
Dear Next Door Neighbour,
We have repeatedly asked you not to feed our dog. She gets fed enough at home and doesn't need any more. But as you insist on doing so, we can't take responsibility for the fact that she now has now learnt that if she sits outside your window and barks she will get more food. Stop feeding her, she'll stop barking.
Yours, hoping to not have to put the dog on another diet,
Fraught Mummy
PS - that pink shirt and shoes combo are a striking look.
*********************************************
Dear Bank, Car Importers, various municipality officials and anyone else who requires a stamped piece of paper,
I can't even start this postcard. I'm thumping my head on my keyboard and crying with frustration. Surely it can't be this time consuming? There must be an easier way!
Yours, as cross as ever,
FM
*************************************************
Dear Slana Banja,
As ever, the ice rink is looking great. Now the snow has finally arrived it looks like something out of a movie. We're looking forward to a bit of a skate this weekend.
Thanks for putting it together,
FM x
*************************************************
Dear Nursery,
I'm totally LOVING the idea of an ice-skating week. So is Adam. It is genius. I think the British education is missing a trick. When you are 4, it is far more enjoyable to spend the mornings learning how to skate than doing writing drills.
FM x
**************************************************
Dear operators of the lung x-ray machine in the Dom Zdravija
My friend and I were wondering... do you have to recalibrate the machine to take into account the black layer of coal dust and general winter grime that must coat the lungs of every Tuzla resident?
Hack hack
FM
*************************************************
Dear hacking cough that is sitting in my lungs,
Enough already. You've been here for quite long enough. I'm not a smoker, I don't deserve to sound like a 60 a day one. Now go away.
Yours, overdosing on the cough mixture,
FM
**********************************************
Dear other neighbour,
I know that you lift up a part of the fence, push your dog into our garden, wait for him to do his business before calling him back out. I've seen you do it. It is disgusting. It is also something that you are embarrassed about because every time you see me you look shifty. Can you take you dog to the green area over the road, and, novel concept here, could you pick up his poo when he is done? It's called responsible dog ownership.
Yours, fed up beyond belief of picking up the poo of dogs that I don't own from our garden,
FM
*********************************************
Dear boys,
Um, this wrestling phase? How long is it going to go on for? A friend of mine who is one of two boys says it could last about a decade, maybe longer. Can I suggest that that might be a bit long for me? At the very least, could we learn that Mummy doesn't do wrestling? Or pretty much any other female come to think of it.
Your more into the hugging and kissing,
Mummy xx
********************************************
Dear Tuzla municipality authorities,
Tuzla is situated on top of a salt mine. There is no way you can ever run out of grit to salt the roads. It is an impossibility. So could you get on with gritting the roads, we're slip sliding all over the place here.
NaCl-ly yours,
FM
************************************************
Dear self,
The Bosnians are bought up to drink coffee. They don't react to the massive caffeine dose in the same way that your poor, unaccustomed body does. So, they can drink coffee in the evening and still go to sleep. If you drink coffee with everyone else you will be awake all night. It is not as if there aren't a wide range of teas available, and you do know that the rosehip tea is lovely.
How many times do we have to go through this before you learn?
FM
*************************************************
Dear EUFOR (the European military forces in Bosnian)
I was feeling pretty safe in Bosnia. Right up until the point that you plastered the city with posters saying Bosna je sigurnan (Bosnia is Safe/Secure). You see, if you are feeling the need to tell me that Bosnia is safe, then I'm immediately concerned. Countries that are safe don't need to say it.
Yours, wondering if you should be rethinking this poster campaign,
FM
************************************************
NB: I know that quite a few of the Bosnian words here aren't spelt correctly, any Bosnian readers please put me right.
Fancy a go? Head on over the 3 BedRoom Bungalow in Crazy Town and make sure you add your name to the list so we can come and read them.
**********************************************
Dear Next Door Neighbour,
We have repeatedly asked you not to feed our dog. She gets fed enough at home and doesn't need any more. But as you insist on doing so, we can't take responsibility for the fact that she now has now learnt that if she sits outside your window and barks she will get more food. Stop feeding her, she'll stop barking.
Yours, hoping to not have to put the dog on another diet,
Fraught Mummy
PS - that pink shirt and shoes combo are a striking look.
*********************************************
Dear Bank, Car Importers, various municipality officials and anyone else who requires a stamped piece of paper,
I can't even start this postcard. I'm thumping my head on my keyboard and crying with frustration. Surely it can't be this time consuming? There must be an easier way!
Yours, as cross as ever,
FM
*************************************************
Dear Slana Banja,
As ever, the ice rink is looking great. Now the snow has finally arrived it looks like something out of a movie. We're looking forward to a bit of a skate this weekend.
Thanks for putting it together,
FM x
*************************************************
Dear Nursery,
I'm totally LOVING the idea of an ice-skating week. So is Adam. It is genius. I think the British education is missing a trick. When you are 4, it is far more enjoyable to spend the mornings learning how to skate than doing writing drills.
FM x
**************************************************
Dear operators of the lung x-ray machine in the Dom Zdravija
My friend and I were wondering... do you have to recalibrate the machine to take into account the black layer of coal dust and general winter grime that must coat the lungs of every Tuzla resident?
Hack hack
FM
*************************************************
Dear hacking cough that is sitting in my lungs,
Enough already. You've been here for quite long enough. I'm not a smoker, I don't deserve to sound like a 60 a day one. Now go away.
Yours, overdosing on the cough mixture,
FM
**********************************************
Dear other neighbour,
I know that you lift up a part of the fence, push your dog into our garden, wait for him to do his business before calling him back out. I've seen you do it. It is disgusting. It is also something that you are embarrassed about because every time you see me you look shifty. Can you take you dog to the green area over the road, and, novel concept here, could you pick up his poo when he is done? It's called responsible dog ownership.
Yours, fed up beyond belief of picking up the poo of dogs that I don't own from our garden,
FM
*********************************************
Dear boys,
Um, this wrestling phase? How long is it going to go on for? A friend of mine who is one of two boys says it could last about a decade, maybe longer. Can I suggest that that might be a bit long for me? At the very least, could we learn that Mummy doesn't do wrestling? Or pretty much any other female come to think of it.
Your more into the hugging and kissing,
Mummy xx
********************************************
Dear Tuzla municipality authorities,
Tuzla is situated on top of a salt mine. There is no way you can ever run out of grit to salt the roads. It is an impossibility. So could you get on with gritting the roads, we're slip sliding all over the place here.
NaCl-ly yours,
FM
************************************************
Dear self,
The Bosnians are bought up to drink coffee. They don't react to the massive caffeine dose in the same way that your poor, unaccustomed body does. So, they can drink coffee in the evening and still go to sleep. If you drink coffee with everyone else you will be awake all night. It is not as if there aren't a wide range of teas available, and you do know that the rosehip tea is lovely.
How many times do we have to go through this before you learn?
FM
*************************************************
Dear EUFOR (the European military forces in Bosnian)
I was feeling pretty safe in Bosnia. Right up until the point that you plastered the city with posters saying Bosna je sigurnan (Bosnia is Safe/Secure). You see, if you are feeling the need to tell me that Bosnia is safe, then I'm immediately concerned. Countries that are safe don't need to say it.
Yours, wondering if you should be rethinking this poster campaign,
FM
************************************************
NB: I know that quite a few of the Bosnian words here aren't spelt correctly, any Bosnian readers please put me right.
Fancy a go? Head on over the 3 BedRoom Bungalow in Crazy Town and make sure you add your name to the list so we can come and read them.
Friday, 30 October 2009
Dear So and So: Bosnian Version Part VI
It's been a while since my last Dear So and So, but it is a miserable dank damp day outside and writing some always cheer me up. So, my pen is out, I have postcards with pretty pictures of Tuzla assembled and away we go.
**********************************
Dear Outside Dog,
I have no idea where you go all day, but I'm always pleased to feel you curling around my legs at dinner time as I tend to worry that you have become today's road kill. Everyone else teases me for making you a hot water bottle every night to keep you warm, but I think you like it. You'll never be an inside dog, your stray mentality is too strongly entrenched, but I love having you around. Plus you are a much better guard dog than that great big wussy Golden Retriever that lives here all the time.
Yours, with an extra large piece of off-cut meat,
Fraught Mummy x
******************************************
Dear Adam,
You are ever so clever for putting on your PJ's all by yourself. But was it totally necessary to announce straight afterwards that 'I don't need Mummy any more' . Daggers to the heart. Ice cold daggers.
Your suddenly panicking about my big growing up boy Mummy xxx
******************************************
Dear PhD Supervisor,
I'm looking forward to you coming out to visit next week. Obviously I have been doing far too much blogging and not nearly enough work, but I'm hoping by dazzling you with Bosnia you might not notice. But, if you don't bring a box of tea bags with you, you do run a strong risk of being left to fend for yourself on a snowy mountainous road in the Republika Srpska. Just saying.
Your errant student,
FM
******************************************
Dear Bosnian Car Import authorities,
There is no other way to say this. I have said it to you many times. So here we go again. THE BRITISH CAR AUTHORITIES DON'T ISSUE CAR EXPORT CERTIFICATES. This doesn't change however much you ask me for it. We are only trying to temporarily import the car. You have got 6,000KM of my money held hostage until we re-export it. I have spent HOURS of my life hanging around several different customs offices trying to keep small children amused and out of trouble. Trust me, if we didn't HAVE to import the car, we wouldn't be. So give us the bloody Bosnian plates and I'll keep out of your hair until we leave the country.
Yours, seriously blowing a gasket and with a genuine worry for my blood pressure,
FM
******************************************
Dear Tuzla Police,
Given the difficulties we are having in trying to comply with your laws (see previous postcard) was it really necessary to order that the car is only able to drive within the confines of the city of Tuzla? We can't even go to visit some friends in the countryside 15 minutes drive away. How long is this going to go on for? I've got myself some serious cabin fever going on. Please can someone give us the goddamn bloody licence plates!
Yours, having taken to hissing at the police station every time we drive past,
FM
*******************************************
Dear Market Stall holders,
I know that there are pumpkins here, because I can see them growing everywhere. I also know that most people only grow them to feed the pigs. But as it is very very nearly Halloween and I'd like to spend the afternoon carving pumpkins with the boys, could you please just find one or two to sell to us?
Yours, wanting to be all scary and spooky,
FM
******************************************
To all those PR people who write to me offering products to review,
It is always nice to receive an offer for something to review, and I always have a good look to see whether I want to do it. But, if I reply that I'm game, to then decide that you can't post the article to Bosnia is a bit poor. It shouldn't come as a total surprise that I'm based in Bosnia, did you look at the blog name before contacting me? And comments that you are worried about things getting lost in the post are such garbage - last time I looked it wasn't the Bosnian Postal system that was on strike.
Yours, confident that my postcards will reach you,
FM
*******************************************
Dear smart Bosnian clothing stores in the centre of town,
How can you charge so much for your clothes? My eyes water every time I see your prices, they'd be expensive in the UK, let alone here. And your sales are rubbish. 10% simply doesn't constitute a sale. I'm looking for 50% at least.
Yours, still needing another jumper,
FM
******************************************
Dear cheaper Bosnian clothing stores,
You totally believe in pile em high and sell them cheap (or at least cheaper). But trying to find something that fits my children when I can't see my children as they have disappeared under the piles of strewn about clothing is very tricky.
Yours, unable to take the pressure of stopping the boys manically jumping on everything in your stores, FM
****************************************
Dear Boys,
I've really been enjoying the last couple of days with you. The fighting doesn't seem as bad, the screaming and shrieking a bit less frequent and we've come up with some good games. My favourite has been wriggling around on the floor with straws in our mouths pretending to be divers. I'm starting to feel a bit less freaked about the long, cold, dark winter months ahead. You two, well you two are absolutely great.
Love you so much,
Mummy xxx
*****************************************
Want a go yourself? Head on over to Kat's 3 Bedroom Bungalow to add your name to the list. It's like therapy but better.
**********************************
Dear Outside Dog,
I have no idea where you go all day, but I'm always pleased to feel you curling around my legs at dinner time as I tend to worry that you have become today's road kill. Everyone else teases me for making you a hot water bottle every night to keep you warm, but I think you like it. You'll never be an inside dog, your stray mentality is too strongly entrenched, but I love having you around. Plus you are a much better guard dog than that great big wussy Golden Retriever that lives here all the time.
Yours, with an extra large piece of off-cut meat,
Fraught Mummy x
******************************************
Dear Adam,
You are ever so clever for putting on your PJ's all by yourself. But was it totally necessary to announce straight afterwards that 'I don't need Mummy any more' . Daggers to the heart. Ice cold daggers.
Your suddenly panicking about my big growing up boy Mummy xxx
******************************************
Dear PhD Supervisor,
I'm looking forward to you coming out to visit next week. Obviously I have been doing far too much blogging and not nearly enough work, but I'm hoping by dazzling you with Bosnia you might not notice. But, if you don't bring a box of tea bags with you, you do run a strong risk of being left to fend for yourself on a snowy mountainous road in the Republika Srpska. Just saying.
Your errant student,
FM
******************************************
Dear Bosnian Car Import authorities,
There is no other way to say this. I have said it to you many times. So here we go again. THE BRITISH CAR AUTHORITIES DON'T ISSUE CAR EXPORT CERTIFICATES. This doesn't change however much you ask me for it. We are only trying to temporarily import the car. You have got 6,000KM of my money held hostage until we re-export it. I have spent HOURS of my life hanging around several different customs offices trying to keep small children amused and out of trouble. Trust me, if we didn't HAVE to import the car, we wouldn't be. So give us the bloody Bosnian plates and I'll keep out of your hair until we leave the country.
Yours, seriously blowing a gasket and with a genuine worry for my blood pressure,
FM
******************************************
Dear Tuzla Police,
Given the difficulties we are having in trying to comply with your laws (see previous postcard) was it really necessary to order that the car is only able to drive within the confines of the city of Tuzla? We can't even go to visit some friends in the countryside 15 minutes drive away. How long is this going to go on for? I've got myself some serious cabin fever going on. Please can someone give us the goddamn bloody licence plates!
Yours, having taken to hissing at the police station every time we drive past,
FM
*******************************************
Dear Market Stall holders,
I know that there are pumpkins here, because I can see them growing everywhere. I also know that most people only grow them to feed the pigs. But as it is very very nearly Halloween and I'd like to spend the afternoon carving pumpkins with the boys, could you please just find one or two to sell to us?
Yours, wanting to be all scary and spooky,
FM
******************************************
To all those PR people who write to me offering products to review,
It is always nice to receive an offer for something to review, and I always have a good look to see whether I want to do it. But, if I reply that I'm game, to then decide that you can't post the article to Bosnia is a bit poor. It shouldn't come as a total surprise that I'm based in Bosnia, did you look at the blog name before contacting me? And comments that you are worried about things getting lost in the post are such garbage - last time I looked it wasn't the Bosnian Postal system that was on strike.
Yours, confident that my postcards will reach you,
FM
*******************************************
Dear smart Bosnian clothing stores in the centre of town,
How can you charge so much for your clothes? My eyes water every time I see your prices, they'd be expensive in the UK, let alone here. And your sales are rubbish. 10% simply doesn't constitute a sale. I'm looking for 50% at least.
Yours, still needing another jumper,
FM
******************************************
Dear cheaper Bosnian clothing stores,
You totally believe in pile em high and sell them cheap (or at least cheaper). But trying to find something that fits my children when I can't see my children as they have disappeared under the piles of strewn about clothing is very tricky.
Yours, unable to take the pressure of stopping the boys manically jumping on everything in your stores, FM
****************************************
Dear Boys,
I've really been enjoying the last couple of days with you. The fighting doesn't seem as bad, the screaming and shrieking a bit less frequent and we've come up with some good games. My favourite has been wriggling around on the floor with straws in our mouths pretending to be divers. I'm starting to feel a bit less freaked about the long, cold, dark winter months ahead. You two, well you two are absolutely great.
Love you so much,
Mummy xxx
*****************************************
Want a go yourself? Head on over to Kat's 3 Bedroom Bungalow to add your name to the list. It's like therapy but better.
Friday, 9 October 2009
Dear So and So: Bosnian Version, Part V
It's a Friday. The boys are at nursery. The dog is outside. The house is quiet. All is well with the world. So, happily ensconced in my temporary haven, I feel equipped to start my series of postcards directed at those who've caught my attention over the past couple of weeks.
-----------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Drivers,
I'm pretty sure that driving on the pavement is not a part of your Driving Test or condoned by your authorities. Just wondering why you are all such fans of it.
Yours, forever surprised to come across an Audi coming towards us at speed with all four wheels on the pavement,
Fraught Mummy
--------------------------------
Dear Weather,
Got to say, you've been amazing this last week. The car told me that the temperature was 32C yesterday. It has been rather blissful. I'm just wondering how exactly is it possible that we can be having this balmy, blissful weather and yet still be having a forecast of snow for next week?
Yours, in for a bit of a shock if the forecasts are accurate,
FM
PS - got to ask, does this have anything to do with the fact that I packed away all our summer clothes last week and we are now all sweltering in thick winter ones?
--------------------------------
Dear Nursery,
I want to support you in every way you can. You do an amazing job with very little resources. However, when you ask me to contribute 12KM towards buying a TV and DVD player, I'm just not sure I can help. I think nursery should be for play and activities and don't want my boys watching TV there. They do enough of that at home (ah-hem).
So, I am sorry. Is there anything different I can donate the money towards instead?
FM
----------------------------------
Dear boys,
We made a great castle didn't we? I was ever so proud of it. Such a shame that it had to be thrown around within 5 minutes of us finishing it, and now I have to spend most of my mornings fixing it. Lets try to be a bit more careful with it in the future. Please?
Your not very crafty but trying hard mother.
----------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Entrepreneurs,
I'm pretty sure that there are already enough hairdressers, cafes and Driving Schools in Tuzla. Can I suggest if you want to start a new business you come up with one that doesn't have quite so much competition. An indoor playcentre or children's centre would be one idea, particularly with winter rapidly approaching. Or how about a cinema? I'd use them. A lot. Go on, someone must want to do it!
Yours, starting to worry about what I am going to do this winter when the weather gets bad,
FM
----------------------------------
Dear Outside Dog,
Chewing up The Economist was unforgivable. Chewing up The Economist with the Technology Quarterly supplement nearly made Dave spontaneously combust. You are on thin ice. Bear this in mind.
Yours with nothing to read in the bath,
FM
------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian authorities,
You need to sort the stray dog situation out. Not only do we have Outside Dog setting up camp, but now there is a puppy that wants to join her. I really don't want any more dogs, but can't turf them out onto the street again either. Surely you can get a programme of registration and sterilisation sorted, which will truly benefit the town.
Yours, wanting to remain a one dog owner,
FM
PS - sorting out the stray dog situation does not mean sending the hunters in either. At best that is a short term solution.
------------------------------------------
Dear Bosnians,
This weather has been amazing hasn't it? We've enjoyed heading out for some impromptu picnics as well. The difference is, we pick our rubbish at the end and put it into the bins that are provided. You have an amazing countryside, which you are ruining by chucking the trash onto it. It isn't difficult to throw it in the bin, if you ever want tourists to start spending their hard earned cash in this country then you need to start doing it now.
Yours, fed up with picking my way over last weeks picnics,
FM
------------------------------------------
Dear lady who lives down the road,
Thanks ever so much for your gift of the big yellow fruit that looks like an enormous pear but is hard. I have no idea what it is. How do I go about making it edible?
Yours,
FM
------------------------------------------
Dear Random Imam,
I know my boys make a lot of noise and don't listen very often. But they are boys and that is what having a garden is for. Standing on the steps outside the mosque over the road and miming at me to smack them isn't really terribly helpful.
Yours, knowing there's some cultural differences that I ain't that keen to try and bridge,
FM
-----------------------------------------
Dear Tuzla authorities,
Your new square is really great. You've really done a good job there. We are looking forward to more afternoons spent lolling around the fountain and sitting on the benches under the trees. I have to point out though that to say this square will become one of the most visited in Europe is ambitious. There is a fair amount of competition out there and I'm not sure people will visit Tuzla solely to see the square. It isn't that exciting.
Did I say that I love the benches around the tree trunks?
FM
--------------------------------------------
Dear Municipality Heating,
I know the weather has been amazing this last week. But as soon as the sun goes down it gets pretty cold. We've been sitting around covered in blankets all evening. They are forecasting snow next week. Please, please, please can we have the heating on, and then we can choose whether to have the heating on or off.
Thanks,
FM
PS - I know I'm being a big old wuss here. Noone else seems to think it is that chilly.
--------------------------------------
Dear Boys,
We did have a fab afternoon yesterday, didn't we? I have no idea why it all worked and everyone had such a great time when we didn't really do anything different to normal. But I loved it. You were both great.
Lots and lots of love,
Mummy xxxxx
----------------------------------------
Have a go yourself. Head on over to Kat's at 3 Bedroom Bungalow in Crazy Town and sign up with all the other Dear So and So fans. And do try it, it is surprisingly therapeutic.
Or you can head over to Have A Lovely Time, who have very kindly let me write some top tips for visiting countries like Bosnia with kids.
-----------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Drivers,
I'm pretty sure that driving on the pavement is not a part of your Driving Test or condoned by your authorities. Just wondering why you are all such fans of it.
Yours, forever surprised to come across an Audi coming towards us at speed with all four wheels on the pavement,
Fraught Mummy
--------------------------------
Dear Weather,
Got to say, you've been amazing this last week. The car told me that the temperature was 32C yesterday. It has been rather blissful. I'm just wondering how exactly is it possible that we can be having this balmy, blissful weather and yet still be having a forecast of snow for next week?
Yours, in for a bit of a shock if the forecasts are accurate,
FM
PS - got to ask, does this have anything to do with the fact that I packed away all our summer clothes last week and we are now all sweltering in thick winter ones?
--------------------------------
Dear Nursery,
I want to support you in every way you can. You do an amazing job with very little resources. However, when you ask me to contribute 12KM towards buying a TV and DVD player, I'm just not sure I can help. I think nursery should be for play and activities and don't want my boys watching TV there. They do enough of that at home (ah-hem).
So, I am sorry. Is there anything different I can donate the money towards instead?
FM
----------------------------------
Dear boys,
We made a great castle didn't we? I was ever so proud of it. Such a shame that it had to be thrown around within 5 minutes of us finishing it, and now I have to spend most of my mornings fixing it. Lets try to be a bit more careful with it in the future. Please?
Your not very crafty but trying hard mother.
----------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Entrepreneurs,
I'm pretty sure that there are already enough hairdressers, cafes and Driving Schools in Tuzla. Can I suggest if you want to start a new business you come up with one that doesn't have quite so much competition. An indoor playcentre or children's centre would be one idea, particularly with winter rapidly approaching. Or how about a cinema? I'd use them. A lot. Go on, someone must want to do it!
Yours, starting to worry about what I am going to do this winter when the weather gets bad,
FM
----------------------------------
Dear Outside Dog,
Chewing up The Economist was unforgivable. Chewing up The Economist with the Technology Quarterly supplement nearly made Dave spontaneously combust. You are on thin ice. Bear this in mind.
Yours with nothing to read in the bath,
FM
------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian authorities,
You need to sort the stray dog situation out. Not only do we have Outside Dog setting up camp, but now there is a puppy that wants to join her. I really don't want any more dogs, but can't turf them out onto the street again either. Surely you can get a programme of registration and sterilisation sorted, which will truly benefit the town.
Yours, wanting to remain a one dog owner,
FM
PS - sorting out the stray dog situation does not mean sending the hunters in either. At best that is a short term solution.
------------------------------------------
Dear Bosnians,
This weather has been amazing hasn't it? We've enjoyed heading out for some impromptu picnics as well. The difference is, we pick our rubbish at the end and put it into the bins that are provided. You have an amazing countryside, which you are ruining by chucking the trash onto it. It isn't difficult to throw it in the bin, if you ever want tourists to start spending their hard earned cash in this country then you need to start doing it now.
Yours, fed up with picking my way over last weeks picnics,
FM
------------------------------------------
Dear lady who lives down the road,
Thanks ever so much for your gift of the big yellow fruit that looks like an enormous pear but is hard. I have no idea what it is. How do I go about making it edible?
Yours,
FM
------------------------------------------
Dear Random Imam,
I know my boys make a lot of noise and don't listen very often. But they are boys and that is what having a garden is for. Standing on the steps outside the mosque over the road and miming at me to smack them isn't really terribly helpful.
Yours, knowing there's some cultural differences that I ain't that keen to try and bridge,
FM
-----------------------------------------
Dear Tuzla authorities,
Your new square is really great. You've really done a good job there. We are looking forward to more afternoons spent lolling around the fountain and sitting on the benches under the trees. I have to point out though that to say this square will become one of the most visited in Europe is ambitious. There is a fair amount of competition out there and I'm not sure people will visit Tuzla solely to see the square. It isn't that exciting.
Did I say that I love the benches around the tree trunks?
FM
--------------------------------------------
Dear Municipality Heating,
I know the weather has been amazing this last week. But as soon as the sun goes down it gets pretty cold. We've been sitting around covered in blankets all evening. They are forecasting snow next week. Please, please, please can we have the heating on, and then we can choose whether to have the heating on or off.
Thanks,
FM
PS - I know I'm being a big old wuss here. Noone else seems to think it is that chilly.
--------------------------------------
Dear Boys,
We did have a fab afternoon yesterday, didn't we? I have no idea why it all worked and everyone had such a great time when we didn't really do anything different to normal. But I loved it. You were both great.
Lots and lots of love,
Mummy xxxxx
----------------------------------------
Have a go yourself. Head on over to Kat's at 3 Bedroom Bungalow in Crazy Town and sign up with all the other Dear So and So fans. And do try it, it is surprisingly therapeutic.
Or you can head over to Have A Lovely Time, who have very kindly let me write some top tips for visiting countries like Bosnia with kids.
Friday, 18 September 2009
Dear So and So, Bosnian Version: Part IV
The Brits household is off on holiday this week, sunning itself on the Croatian coastline. At least that is the plan. The forecast is for rain and a bit of a cold snap making it a rather less attractive proposition than England.
Sadly this means that we will miss Bajram, the Bosnian version of Eid which marks the end of Ramadan. The whole town is a flutter of talk about which parties shall be attended, and who will be where. I've been to some of these Bajram parties (in a pre-children era) and they are terrific. Everyone joins in, Muslim or not and there is an awful lot of dancing and beer and food and all things good.
Anyway, until you get your real-life postcard which given the ongoing British postal strike means probably never, here are some of the virtual versions, sent from Bosnia.
---------------------------
Dear fellow expats in Tuzla currently on holiday in the States (you know who you are),
When are you coming back? We miss you! I'm not sure we have forgiven you yet for abandoning us all summer. And can you bring peanut butter with you?
Hugs and kisses to you both,
Fraught Mummy
-------------------------------------
Dear Random Imam,
After the Bosnian Delights and the perfume, I must also thank you for the vast quantities of plums that you have taken to leaving by our front door. Would you be very offended if I was to make them into Plum Vodka?
Yours, hic, oops, silly giggle,
FM
-----------------------------
Dear Boys,
Your ever grateful, but curious wife x
------------------------------
Dear Bakers, all bakers, any bakers,
Please don't stop making Lepina just because it is the end of Ramadan. I know that you can get it out of season, but it just isn't the same without those yummy black bits on the top. I don't think I can wait for next year to get my lepina fix!
Yours, scoffing any lepina I can find in preparation for the great lepina fast about to begin,
FM x
-----------------------
Dear Boys,
Which part of 'you will hurt yourself' do you not understand?
Your exasperated mother who is running out of plasters and sympathy for preventable ouch moments. xxxx
----------------
Dear Outside Dog,
We are ok for you to make a camp for yourself on our porch as you are, for a stray dog, remarkably well behaved (and now fully deticked and delurgyed). We are happy to keep on giving you food. But if you keep going into our bins and dumping the contents all over the garden we may have to rethink the above.
Don't say you weren't warned,
FM
-----------------
Dear favourite bakers,
Please reopen soon. You are the only ones that I can rely on to bake zeljanica pita (spinach pie with a sort of feta like cheese in) which is my absolute favourite of all time ever.
Pretty please?
FM
----------------------
Sadly this means that we will miss Bajram, the Bosnian version of Eid which marks the end of Ramadan. The whole town is a flutter of talk about which parties shall be attended, and who will be where. I've been to some of these Bajram parties (in a pre-children era) and they are terrific. Everyone joins in, Muslim or not and there is an awful lot of dancing and beer and food and all things good.
Anyway, until you get your real-life postcard which given the ongoing British postal strike means probably never, here are some of the virtual versions, sent from Bosnia.
---------------------------
Dear fellow expats in Tuzla currently on holiday in the States (you know who you are),
When are you coming back? We miss you! I'm not sure we have forgiven you yet for abandoning us all summer. And can you bring peanut butter with you?
Hugs and kisses to you both,
Fraught Mummy
-------------------------------------
Dear Random Imam,
After the Bosnian Delights and the perfume, I must also thank you for the vast quantities of plums that you have taken to leaving by our front door. Would you be very offended if I was to make them into Plum Vodka?
Yours, hic, oops, silly giggle,
FM
-----------------------------
Dear Boys,
Which bit of 'Don't Do That' do you not understand?
Your ever loving but getting increasingly disciplinarian as it is becoming more obvious that noone in this household listens to a word I say mother xx
----------------------------
Dear Bosnian Pedestrians,
Given that you are the bottom of the pile when it comes to priority of road users, how is it that you feel so confident in crossing the road without looking to see if there are any vehicles coming?
Seriously wondering how any of you are still alive,
FM
-----------------------------
Dear Dave,
I do appreciate you looking after the boys when I am out and about. Really I do. But, given that you take control of them at about 5.30 which isn't that long before they go to bed and during that time they are having supper, a bath and watching a bit of TV, how is it possible that the house gets so totally and utterly trashed?
Your ever grateful, but curious wife x
------------------------------
Dear Bakers, all bakers, any bakers,
Please don't stop making Lepina just because it is the end of Ramadan. I know that you can get it out of season, but it just isn't the same without those yummy black bits on the top. I don't think I can wait for next year to get my lepina fix!
Yours, scoffing any lepina I can find in preparation for the great lepina fast about to begin,
FM x
-----------------------
Dear Boys,
Which part of 'you will hurt yourself' do you not understand?
Your exasperated mother who is running out of plasters and sympathy for preventable ouch moments. xxxx
----------------
Dear Outside Dog,
We are ok for you to make a camp for yourself on our porch as you are, for a stray dog, remarkably well behaved (and now fully deticked and delurgyed). We are happy to keep on giving you food. But if you keep going into our bins and dumping the contents all over the garden we may have to rethink the above.
Don't say you weren't warned,
FM
-----------------
Dear favourite bakers,
Please reopen soon. You are the only ones that I can rely on to bake zeljanica pita (spinach pie with a sort of feta like cheese in) which is my absolute favourite of all time ever.
Pretty please?
FM
----------------------
Dear Bosnian Car Importers and Banks,
How difficult can it be? Seriously.
Starting to get quite wound up at how long (and how expensive) a relatively simple and straightforward transaction can be made into a paper marathon, with no end in sight.
Yours, still driving our English registered car round Tuzla,
FM
----------------------
Dear Boys,
Which part of 'Stop Climbing Onto The Windowsill, Opening The Window And Throwing Your Toys Out!' do you not understand?
Just understand this: It is your fault if your toys break or get lost,
Mummy x
-------------------------------------
Dear Next Door Neighbour,
The boys are 2 and 4. They will make a lot of noise when they are in the garden. They tend to this during the afternoon, usually around 4pm. This is a whole lot better than your turbo folk music blasting out late at night. So quit complaining and shut your window if you don't want to hear them.
Yours, with a you got a problem with that? attitude,
FM
PS - your white suit and shoes they you so love? Not a good look.
------------------------------
Dear Bosnian teenage boys,
Scooting around with your helmet draped over your handlebars doesn't look cool. We know that your mother made you take your helmet. Why don't you just wear it? You never know, it might actually save your life.
Yours,
FM
-----------------------------
Dear Boys,
You are never to buy yourself a scooter. Or motorbike. And you are ALWAYS to wear your helmets, especially when I make you take them with you.
It's because I love you,
Hugging and kissing you and holding you tight, and never ever letting you buy a motorbike (although you will pay about as much attention to that statement as you do to all my other instructions - sigh).
Mummy
----------------------------------
Dear Blogger,
What is this thing with the formatting? If I want lots of spaces between my lines, I'll put them there myself.
Fed up with having to reformat my posts for no good reason,
FM
-----------------------------------
As ever, I could go on. And on and on. But, that is enough for now. There are bags to be packed, packed lunches to be made and armbands to be found. Have a great week.
If you fancy a writing a Dear So and So post of your own, make sure to head over to Kat's at 3 Bedroom Bungalow and sign up so other fans of the genre can read you too.
**************************************************
PS - for those that haven't already spotted it, the latest Best of British Mummy Bloggers carnival is up: Head on over to New Mummy to read 42 posts covering the full range of parenting moments.
Friday, 4 September 2009
Dear So and So Bosnian Version: Part iii
My biweekly opportunity to rant and get pithy with things that have annoyed/delighted me over the past couple of days. I encourage everyone to have a go at writing a Dear So and So post, it is surprisingly therapeutic.
-------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Taxi Drivers,
Just steady there with the stopping in the middle of the road to pick up and let down passengers. Usual etiquette suggests that you should wait until it is safe, indicate and then pull over. Or at least let the drivers behind you know that you are about to come to an abrupt halt.
Yours, with depleting brake pads and increasing Bosnian swear word vocabulary,
Fraught Mummy
-----------------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian billboard advertisers,
I have a question. You know your advert, the one where there is a picture of a woman wearing nothing but a thong and with her hands in some very fetching yellow marigold rubber gloves placed delicately on her very perfect backside? You know the one? In the background there are a few men in suits, hard helmets, chewing on pens and looking thoughtful? Can you explain to me how this advert in any way promotes safety in the workplace?
Yours, in curiosity,
FM x
-----------------------------------------
Dear ice cream sellers on the Korzo,
You remember how last year there was a bit of a cold snap at the beginning of September? But then the month continued to be warm and sunny and perfect ice cream weather? Do you remember how you also stopped making ice cream at the very first sign of cold and then for the rest of the month we wanted ice-cream so badly but noone was selling it. The forecast for next week is a bit chilly, but then it looks as if it will heat up again. Please please please don't stop making ice cream until it really is too cold for it.
Yours, in appreciation of your amazing ice creams and wondering how we will get through the winter without it,
FM
PS - if you ever wanted to try making that blood orange ice-cream again, I'll buy a box of it!
------------------------------------------
Dear Nursery,
Thanks for the offer of giving English lessons to the boys. I think they'll be ok without them.
Yours,
FM
--------------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian bathroom designers,
I know that Bosnians aren't that short (in fact there a lot of very tall Bosnians). So why are all your baths so tiny?
Yours, in desperation for a long hot soak without my knees around my ears,
FM
-------------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Grannys,
Telling my children off in the supermarket is not acceptable, particularly when they were actually being pretty well behaved. I know you mean well, telling them to listen to their mother and to hold my hand is exactly what I have been telling them for, well, years. But if you shout at them in Bosnian it doesn't really help much.
Yours, only just holding my tongue in check,
FM
-------------------------------------------
Dear Boys,
Do you have a volume control? Could you use it? Particularly in the supermarket or when there are people around who are likely to tell me off.
Your only slightly deaf mother x
-------------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Traffic Light Designers,
When I get a specific green light to turn right, I'm not expecting to come across a stream of pedestrians crossing the road who also have a green light. It always takes me, and quite a few other drivers, by surprise. Do you not think it might be better to let one group of road users have priority at a time?
Yours, in bewilderment,
FM
------------------------------------------
Dear neighbours,
You've been ever so generous with the produce of your fruits trees. We've gorged on your cherries, raspberries, apples, peaches and plums. I can see the pear trees are looking pretty good and I'm feeling hopeful.
Yours in anticipation,
FM
---------------------------------------------
Dear Mum and Mum-in-law,
We can't wait to see you when you come out. A week on the Croatian coast near Dubrovnik is a very exciting prospect. The boys are so excited to spend some time with their Grannies. Please come bearing tea bags. We're nearly out and whilst everyone says that the 'crni caj' is the same thing, it just isn't and I can't function without my tea.
Only a few weeks to go now,
FM xx
--------------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Football Team,
You're playing Armenia tomorrow. You have such a great opportunity to qualify for the World Cup in 2010. Go get 'em! Hajmo Bosno Bosno Bosno!
Yours, waving my blue and yellow flag enthusiastically,
FM
---------------------------------------------
Haven't had enough Dear So and So? There are a few others posting them too: Head on over to
Home Mum of 2 (or 3 if you count their Dad)
Muddling Along Mummy
London City Mum
Very Bored Housewife
Have a go yourself. And if you do, make sure to go to Kat's at 3 Bedroom Bungalow and sign up so that other fans of the genre can come and have a read too.
-------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Taxi Drivers,
Just steady there with the stopping in the middle of the road to pick up and let down passengers. Usual etiquette suggests that you should wait until it is safe, indicate and then pull over. Or at least let the drivers behind you know that you are about to come to an abrupt halt.
Yours, with depleting brake pads and increasing Bosnian swear word vocabulary,
Fraught Mummy
-----------------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian billboard advertisers,
I have a question. You know your advert, the one where there is a picture of a woman wearing nothing but a thong and with her hands in some very fetching yellow marigold rubber gloves placed delicately on her very perfect backside? You know the one? In the background there are a few men in suits, hard helmets, chewing on pens and looking thoughtful? Can you explain to me how this advert in any way promotes safety in the workplace?
Yours, in curiosity,
FM x
-----------------------------------------
Dear ice cream sellers on the Korzo,
You remember how last year there was a bit of a cold snap at the beginning of September? But then the month continued to be warm and sunny and perfect ice cream weather? Do you remember how you also stopped making ice cream at the very first sign of cold and then for the rest of the month we wanted ice-cream so badly but noone was selling it. The forecast for next week is a bit chilly, but then it looks as if it will heat up again. Please please please don't stop making ice cream until it really is too cold for it.
Yours, in appreciation of your amazing ice creams and wondering how we will get through the winter without it,
FM
PS - if you ever wanted to try making that blood orange ice-cream again, I'll buy a box of it!
------------------------------------------
Dear Nursery,
Thanks for the offer of giving English lessons to the boys. I think they'll be ok without them.
Yours,
FM
--------------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian bathroom designers,
I know that Bosnians aren't that short (in fact there a lot of very tall Bosnians). So why are all your baths so tiny?
Yours, in desperation for a long hot soak without my knees around my ears,
FM
-------------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Grannys,
Telling my children off in the supermarket is not acceptable, particularly when they were actually being pretty well behaved. I know you mean well, telling them to listen to their mother and to hold my hand is exactly what I have been telling them for, well, years. But if you shout at them in Bosnian it doesn't really help much.
Yours, only just holding my tongue in check,
FM
-------------------------------------------
Dear Boys,
Do you have a volume control? Could you use it? Particularly in the supermarket or when there are people around who are likely to tell me off.
Your only slightly deaf mother x
-------------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Traffic Light Designers,
When I get a specific green light to turn right, I'm not expecting to come across a stream of pedestrians crossing the road who also have a green light. It always takes me, and quite a few other drivers, by surprise. Do you not think it might be better to let one group of road users have priority at a time?
Yours, in bewilderment,
FM
------------------------------------------
Dear neighbours,
You've been ever so generous with the produce of your fruits trees. We've gorged on your cherries, raspberries, apples, peaches and plums. I can see the pear trees are looking pretty good and I'm feeling hopeful.
Yours in anticipation,
FM
---------------------------------------------
Dear Mum and Mum-in-law,
We can't wait to see you when you come out. A week on the Croatian coast near Dubrovnik is a very exciting prospect. The boys are so excited to spend some time with their Grannies. Please come bearing tea bags. We're nearly out and whilst everyone says that the 'crni caj' is the same thing, it just isn't and I can't function without my tea.
Only a few weeks to go now,
FM xx
--------------------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Football Team,
You're playing Armenia tomorrow. You have such a great opportunity to qualify for the World Cup in 2010. Go get 'em! Hajmo Bosno Bosno Bosno!
Yours, waving my blue and yellow flag enthusiastically,
FM
---------------------------------------------
Haven't had enough Dear So and So? There are a few others posting them too: Head on over to
Home Mum of 2 (or 3 if you count their Dad)
Muddling Along Mummy
London City Mum
Very Bored Housewife
Have a go yourself. And if you do, make sure to go to Kat's at 3 Bedroom Bungalow and sign up so that other fans of the genre can come and have a read too.
Friday, 21 August 2009
Dear So and So, Bosnian Version: Part II
Ever since I wrote Dear So and So, Bosnian Version Part I, I've been suffering from an unusual (and quite debilitating) affliction. Now, in my head, wherever I go, I find myself composing these postcards. In an effort to bring it all under control I started making a list of all the postcards I wished to write. It is completely out of control. It is also, therefore, time for another Dear So and So post. So here we go, a few things that I wish others to know:
----------
Dear neighbours,
We don't have a plum tree in our garden. You do and it hangs over ours. We have a glut of plums from your tree that we don't know what to do with. As you have 4 trees, all about to fall over with the weight of the fruit you must have some good ideas about what we can do with all the plums currently halved and stoned and sitting in our fridge.
Yours, in appreciation of your fruit orchard which has served us well over the summer,
Fraught Mummy
-----------
Dear man in charge of the volume of the call to prayer of the mosque opposite,
Any chance you could turn it down? Just for the early one, the one as the sun comes up? Please? We'd really appreciate it.
Yours, in tiredness and slightly grumpy at just before 5am,
FM
------------
Dear Bosnian Drivers (and one on the Tuzla Sarajevo road the other weekend in particular),
Overtaking is a manoeuvre to be carried out when you are certain that you can complete the manoeuvre without causing an accident. In practice this means that you should only overtake when there is a stretch of road ahead of you that allows you to see what is coming for quite some distance. So, overtaking, going up a hill, heading towards a blind corner, in the dark with only one headlight working is not really best practice.
Yours, forever wondering how there are any Bosnian drivers left,
FM
---------------------
Dear Bosnian Pedestrians,
You are a nation of walkers. You put us British to shame. You walk everywhere and for long distances. This is wonderful. Can I make an observation however? If you walk along main roads in the pathway of the cars, in the dark, wearing black, it is very likely that the drivers won't be able to see you. Just saying.
Wishing you a long and healthy life,
FM
-----------------------
Dear Boys,
Listen to your mother. Listen. It's not so hard. I only do it to stop you from hurting yourselves or other people. It would make everyone's lives a whole lot easier if you did what I ask within the first 5 times of asking, because if I have to ask any more than that I'm liable to turn bright red and blow a gasket.
Your loving but exasperated mother xx
--------------------------
Dear Butcher down the road,
You are my favourite butcher in the world. Not only do you sell the most amazing meat, but you didn't mind that I left my wallet behind in a blonde mad mummy moment, and you let me pay you the next time we were in the shop.
Deep thanks from the bottom of my heart,
FM
----------------------------
Dear Bosnians looking for a parking space,
Space on the pavement is not the same thing as a parking space.
Yours, a bit fed up with weaving past your cars,
FM
PS - drivers in Tuzla, every other city in the world requires you to pay for parking. You used to pay for parking in the centre of town before the war. Stop whinging about the new parking restrictions.
------------------------------
Dear Imam from the mosque over the road,
Thank you very much for the gift of some Bosnian delights and perfume that you handed over the gate the other day. I'm not quite sure why you are giving me presents and do find it a bit random. But thank you anyway.
FM
-----------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Authorities,
Please, please can you get a programme in place to sort out the stray dog situation. The number of lost puppies on the streets at the moment is breaking my heart.
Yours, trying not to adopt another dog,
FM
-------------------------------
Dear Jessie,
You've seen the life other dogs have. Yours is not so tough. But if you try and get into one more picnic I might be tempted to let you live their life for a bit.
Yours, fed up with apologizing for our pizza eating dog,
FM xx
--------------------------------
Dear neighbours, friends and pretty much anyone we have ever visited,
Thank you for all your amazingly yummy fruit, veg, homemade jams, juices and pies that you give us every time we have ever visited. At the moment I have to say that your grapes are the best thing I have ever tasted, but the peppers are pretty good too.
Yours, stuffing my face,
FM
-----------------------------
Dear International Community in Tuzla,
Thank you for always inviting us to your dinners on Thursday evenings. I'm sorry we have been so rubbish in actually attending. Every week we plan to and every week we sort of don't quite manage. We will keep trying, please don't stop inviting us.
Yours,
FM
---------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Women,
You rock. You are feisty, scarily intelligent and can more than hold your ground. You are professional, well educated and sometimes a bit scary as you are not frightened of expressing your opinion with a level of passion that the British in me is just not used to. There's just one thing I really don't get. What is the obsession with cutsie cutsie little girl like cartoon characters?
Just wondering,
FM
----------------------------------
Dear Dave,
You're great. Hang on - that's not my handwriting. Have you been adding things to my list??
You are great though, but it is treason to mess with one of my lists. Treason! Do you hear me?
Lots of Love,
FM xx
-----------------------------------------
Enough for today. There'll be more as this is such a fun post to write, try it yourself and see. You too will soon find yourself composing postcards in your head all day. If you write a post, then make sure to head over to Kat's at 3 Bedroom Bungalow and add your name to the list, so other fans of the genre can come and have a read.
Again, other Bosnians, anything you care to add to the list? I'm going to do these posts every other Friday, so let me know if there's anything that you'd like to add.
----------
Dear neighbours,
We don't have a plum tree in our garden. You do and it hangs over ours. We have a glut of plums from your tree that we don't know what to do with. As you have 4 trees, all about to fall over with the weight of the fruit you must have some good ideas about what we can do with all the plums currently halved and stoned and sitting in our fridge.
Yours, in appreciation of your fruit orchard which has served us well over the summer,
Fraught Mummy
-----------
Dear man in charge of the volume of the call to prayer of the mosque opposite,
Any chance you could turn it down? Just for the early one, the one as the sun comes up? Please? We'd really appreciate it.
Yours, in tiredness and slightly grumpy at just before 5am,
FM
------------
Dear Bosnian Drivers (and one on the Tuzla Sarajevo road the other weekend in particular),
Overtaking is a manoeuvre to be carried out when you are certain that you can complete the manoeuvre without causing an accident. In practice this means that you should only overtake when there is a stretch of road ahead of you that allows you to see what is coming for quite some distance. So, overtaking, going up a hill, heading towards a blind corner, in the dark with only one headlight working is not really best practice.
Yours, forever wondering how there are any Bosnian drivers left,
FM
---------------------
Dear Bosnian Pedestrians,
You are a nation of walkers. You put us British to shame. You walk everywhere and for long distances. This is wonderful. Can I make an observation however? If you walk along main roads in the pathway of the cars, in the dark, wearing black, it is very likely that the drivers won't be able to see you. Just saying.
Wishing you a long and healthy life,
FM
-----------------------
Dear Boys,
Listen to your mother. Listen. It's not so hard. I only do it to stop you from hurting yourselves or other people. It would make everyone's lives a whole lot easier if you did what I ask within the first 5 times of asking, because if I have to ask any more than that I'm liable to turn bright red and blow a gasket.
Your loving but exasperated mother xx
--------------------------
Dear Butcher down the road,
You are my favourite butcher in the world. Not only do you sell the most amazing meat, but you didn't mind that I left my wallet behind in a blonde mad mummy moment, and you let me pay you the next time we were in the shop.
Deep thanks from the bottom of my heart,
FM
----------------------------
Dear Bosnians looking for a parking space,
Space on the pavement is not the same thing as a parking space.
Yours, a bit fed up with weaving past your cars,
FM
PS - drivers in Tuzla, every other city in the world requires you to pay for parking. You used to pay for parking in the centre of town before the war. Stop whinging about the new parking restrictions.
------------------------------
Dear Imam from the mosque over the road,
Thank you very much for the gift of some Bosnian delights and perfume that you handed over the gate the other day. I'm not quite sure why you are giving me presents and do find it a bit random. But thank you anyway.
FM
-----------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Authorities,
Please, please can you get a programme in place to sort out the stray dog situation. The number of lost puppies on the streets at the moment is breaking my heart.
Yours, trying not to adopt another dog,
FM
-------------------------------
Dear Jessie,
You've seen the life other dogs have. Yours is not so tough. But if you try and get into one more picnic I might be tempted to let you live their life for a bit.
Yours, fed up with apologizing for our pizza eating dog,
FM xx
--------------------------------
Dear neighbours, friends and pretty much anyone we have ever visited,
Thank you for all your amazingly yummy fruit, veg, homemade jams, juices and pies that you give us every time we have ever visited. At the moment I have to say that your grapes are the best thing I have ever tasted, but the peppers are pretty good too.
Yours, stuffing my face,
FM
-----------------------------
Dear International Community in Tuzla,
Thank you for always inviting us to your dinners on Thursday evenings. I'm sorry we have been so rubbish in actually attending. Every week we plan to and every week we sort of don't quite manage. We will keep trying, please don't stop inviting us.
Yours,
FM
---------------------------------
Dear Bosnian Women,
You rock. You are feisty, scarily intelligent and can more than hold your ground. You are professional, well educated and sometimes a bit scary as you are not frightened of expressing your opinion with a level of passion that the British in me is just not used to. There's just one thing I really don't get. What is the obsession with cutsie cutsie little girl like cartoon characters?
Just wondering,
FM
----------------------------------
Dear Dave,
You're great. Hang on - that's not my handwriting. Have you been adding things to my list??
You are great though, but it is treason to mess with one of my lists. Treason! Do you hear me?
Lots of Love,
FM xx
-----------------------------------------
Enough for today. There'll be more as this is such a fun post to write, try it yourself and see. You too will soon find yourself composing postcards in your head all day. If you write a post, then make sure to head over to Kat's at 3 Bedroom Bungalow and add your name to the list, so other fans of the genre can come and have a read.
Again, other Bosnians, anything you care to add to the list? I'm going to do these posts every other Friday, so let me know if there's anything that you'd like to add.
Friday, 7 August 2009
Dear So and So, Bosnian version
Having found writing the postcards to my family the other week to be a most enjoyable post, I decided to take on Kat's challenge and write a Dear So and So post; postcards to all those people who need to be told something.
--------
Dear Bosnians,
You can be a Bosnian and a non-smoker. The two categories are not mutually exclusive.
Yours, gasping for air,
Fraught Mummy
-------
Dear Bosnian tradesmen,
The key to a good job lies in the detail. For example, putting in a power socket is a good thing. Plumbing a hot water pipe directly in front of it is not so clever.
Wearily yours,
FM
----------
Dear Bosnian Kitchen Fitter who fitted our kitchen,
The drainage board is there to permit the water from drying utensils to drain away (the clue is in the name). In order to do this it requires somewhere to go. When you decided to cut short your job by half an hour and chose to not plumb in the pipe that goes from the drainage plughole to the water outlet thing and decided to superglue the whole thing shut, it sort of ruined the whole drainage board idea.
Yours and getting pretty grumpy about constantly having to slosh out the water from the sink,
FM
-----------
Dear Sarajevo,
You're getting a multi-screen cinema? With online booking? We might have to move.
I'm buying the popcorn in preparation,
FM
-----------
Dear Tuzla,
You do not have a cinema. You have a cultural centre that occasionally (and I mean occasionally) shows films. The other place you insist is a cinema has been shut for over a year. How about following Sarajevo's lead?
I'd like to be buying popcorn in preparation but am not holding my breath,
FM
----------
Dear Bosnian pedestrians,
You are the bottom of the pile in the street hierarchy. I can only admire your confidence in wandering out into the road without looking at all, before ambling along in front of my car.
Hoping you have a long and happy life,
FM
---------
Dear Bosnian Drivers,
I'm English. When I see people on the pedestrian crossings I stop. I can't help it, it's in my genes. I appreciate this constitutes as dangerous driving here. I am dong my best to curtail this impulse.
FM
-------------
Dear Bosnian Drivers,
Please stop honking me at traffic lights. I can't go before the light turns green. I also can't go when there are people crossing the road in front of me. I'm not traffic light telepathic either, I don't know when they are going to change.
Yours, in a fluster,
FM
---------
Dear Bosnian Drivers,
Thank you for flashing your lights to indicate a police check ahead. I appreciate this very much. Long may this tradition last.
Blowing you all kisses of appreciation,
FM
---------
Dear Bosnian Grannys,
When the boys eat a whole lot of chocolate they WILL go a bit hyper, run around, shout loudly and behave appallingly. This is why I don't give them chocolate very often. If you really want to give them chocolate then please do, but only a little bit. And if I say that's enough, please don't give them any more. If you ignore me and continue handing it over, please don't be surprised if they break things in your house or if Adam is sick. Just saying.
Yours, trying not to be a killjoy but also wanting an easier life,
FM
-----------
Dear Bosnian hosts,
I have never seen so much food. I've eaten so much I really do think that I will never be able to eat again. Please don't be offended that I've turned down 4th helpings. The food is delicious, I simply can't eat any more.
Yours, many pounds heavier than I was earlier,
FM
------------
Dear Bosnian women,
How on earth do you manage to turn out such enormous feasts with such a small amount of workspace in your kitchens?
Deeply impressed,
FM
-------------
Dear Bosnian women,
How on earth do you manage to do all the washing up on little or no hot water?
In awe,
FM
--------------
Dear Bosnians,
What is the obsession with sofa beds? I get it for when they are in the sitting room. But in your bedrooms as well?
Sitting uncomfortably,
FM
-----------------
Dear Bosnians,
If you get real beds then you can also invest in fitted sheets. Fitted sheets are a good thing. I miss fitted sheets a lot. I feel you will embrace them too.
In a right old tangle,
FM
----------------
Dear Pedestrians,
Do they teach you to always gather in places where it will cause the most amount of trouble? When you stop at the top of the escalators no one else can get off with out piling into you. Keep on moving.
Grumpily yours,
FM
-------------------
Dear young and supremely glamorous Bosnian girls,
I didn't know it was possible to get into jeans that tight. Nor did I know that hotpants were made that short. Nor did I think it was possible for so many long legged beauties to gather together outside of a Milan fashion show. I feel most dowdy beside you.
Yours, without make up and with no hairdryer,
FM
------------------
I could go on forever here, but feel this is enough for right now. Other Bosnian residents, anything else fundamental that I've missed that you'd like to add?
--------
Dear Bosnians,
You can be a Bosnian and a non-smoker. The two categories are not mutually exclusive.
Yours, gasping for air,
Fraught Mummy
-------
Dear Bosnian tradesmen,
The key to a good job lies in the detail. For example, putting in a power socket is a good thing. Plumbing a hot water pipe directly in front of it is not so clever.
Wearily yours,
FM
----------
Dear Bosnian Kitchen Fitter who fitted our kitchen,
The drainage board is there to permit the water from drying utensils to drain away (the clue is in the name). In order to do this it requires somewhere to go. When you decided to cut short your job by half an hour and chose to not plumb in the pipe that goes from the drainage plughole to the water outlet thing and decided to superglue the whole thing shut, it sort of ruined the whole drainage board idea.
Yours and getting pretty grumpy about constantly having to slosh out the water from the sink,
FM
-----------
Dear Sarajevo,
You're getting a multi-screen cinema? With online booking? We might have to move.
I'm buying the popcorn in preparation,
FM
-----------
Dear Tuzla,
You do not have a cinema. You have a cultural centre that occasionally (and I mean occasionally) shows films. The other place you insist is a cinema has been shut for over a year. How about following Sarajevo's lead?
I'd like to be buying popcorn in preparation but am not holding my breath,
FM
----------
Dear Bosnian pedestrians,
You are the bottom of the pile in the street hierarchy. I can only admire your confidence in wandering out into the road without looking at all, before ambling along in front of my car.
Hoping you have a long and happy life,
FM
---------
Dear Bosnian Drivers,
I'm English. When I see people on the pedestrian crossings I stop. I can't help it, it's in my genes. I appreciate this constitutes as dangerous driving here. I am dong my best to curtail this impulse.
FM
-------------
Dear Bosnian Drivers,
Please stop honking me at traffic lights. I can't go before the light turns green. I also can't go when there are people crossing the road in front of me. I'm not traffic light telepathic either, I don't know when they are going to change.
Yours, in a fluster,
FM
---------
Dear Bosnian Drivers,
Thank you for flashing your lights to indicate a police check ahead. I appreciate this very much. Long may this tradition last.
Blowing you all kisses of appreciation,
FM
---------
Dear Bosnian Grannys,
When the boys eat a whole lot of chocolate they WILL go a bit hyper, run around, shout loudly and behave appallingly. This is why I don't give them chocolate very often. If you really want to give them chocolate then please do, but only a little bit. And if I say that's enough, please don't give them any more. If you ignore me and continue handing it over, please don't be surprised if they break things in your house or if Adam is sick. Just saying.
Yours, trying not to be a killjoy but also wanting an easier life,
FM
-----------
Dear Bosnian hosts,
I have never seen so much food. I've eaten so much I really do think that I will never be able to eat again. Please don't be offended that I've turned down 4th helpings. The food is delicious, I simply can't eat any more.
Yours, many pounds heavier than I was earlier,
FM
------------
Dear Bosnian women,
How on earth do you manage to turn out such enormous feasts with such a small amount of workspace in your kitchens?
Deeply impressed,
FM
-------------
Dear Bosnian women,
How on earth do you manage to do all the washing up on little or no hot water?
In awe,
FM
--------------
Dear Bosnians,
What is the obsession with sofa beds? I get it for when they are in the sitting room. But in your bedrooms as well?
Sitting uncomfortably,
FM
-----------------
Dear Bosnians,
If you get real beds then you can also invest in fitted sheets. Fitted sheets are a good thing. I miss fitted sheets a lot. I feel you will embrace them too.
In a right old tangle,
FM
----------------
Dear Pedestrians,
Do they teach you to always gather in places where it will cause the most amount of trouble? When you stop at the top of the escalators no one else can get off with out piling into you. Keep on moving.
Grumpily yours,
FM
-------------------
Dear young and supremely glamorous Bosnian girls,
I didn't know it was possible to get into jeans that tight. Nor did I know that hotpants were made that short. Nor did I think it was possible for so many long legged beauties to gather together outside of a Milan fashion show. I feel most dowdy beside you.
Yours, without make up and with no hairdryer,
FM
------------------
I could go on forever here, but feel this is enough for right now. Other Bosnian residents, anything else fundamental that I've missed that you'd like to add?
Friday, 24 July 2009
Postcards to my family*
Dear Boys,
Please leave my laundry alone. In particular please do not do any of the following:
1. post a felt tip pen into the laundry basket which will then leak bright orange all over my favourite skirt and the only decent white shirt that I have left.
2. Pull over the clothes horse when there is clean drying laundry on it. I know it makes a great den. But I need the laundry clean and dry.
3. Pull it over again when I have already told you not to do it.
4. Throw around clean and dry laundry that is folded ready to be put away.
Thanks for listening to me, I will appreciate it,
Love,
Mummy.
*******
Dear Boys,
If you want to go and play with the sprinkler I think this is a great idea. However, you do need to put on swimming stuff if you are going to get wet. This is not a trauma. Moreover, once your swimming stuff is on, do not to take it off before we even get outside, it just makes me cross, particularly if you then run around laughing dementedly.
Love,
Mummy.
*******
Dear Jess,
I know that you a are retriever and therefore predisposed to pick things up. But, please don't invade the clean laundry pile to do this. In particular please stop taking guests any of my underwear, or take my underwear outside and scatter it in the garden. Please also stop leaving one sock outside, the Bosnian tradition of taking your shoes off means that I do need to pair socks and I can't do this when one is buried in the flower bed.
Thank you,
The one that feeds you.
*******
Dear Boys,
Mummy is not a climbing frame. Really. I also have a really bad back. So, I'm really not joking when I say that I'm not a climbing frame.
Thank you,
Mummy
*********
Dear Boys,
Sometimes I can't do the same conversation more than 10 times in any given 15 minute period. So I apologize if my eyes glaze over and go a bit squiffy. When you are an adult you will understand.
Love,
Mummy.
**********
Dear Dave,
There is no magic fairy who picks up your clothes and puts them in the laundry basket. It is me. I appreciate this may come as a shock. I'm also the fairy who picks up the stuff that has been dumped in the middle of the floor and puts stuff in the rubbish bin.
Your ever loving wife.
*******
Dear Boys,
Cooking is hard. Cooking dinner that you will both eat is even harder. Cooking a dinner that you will both eat whilst at least one of you is whinging, hanging off my leg and the other is waving the wrong end of a mop in my face is near impossible. Managing to stay calm in this situation is never going to happen.
Love,
Mummy.
******
Dear Luke,
Please stop switching all the buttons on the washing machine. It is on its last legs as it is. And I don't think I can take another boil wash with clothes that aren't able to do it.
Love,
Mummy
********
Dear Boys,
I am not as obsessed with laundry as it appears. At least I don't think I am.
Love,
Mummy
*********
Dear Boys,
When I tell you not to do something it is generally because someone is going to get hurt if you carry on. Whilst I appreciate that you need to learn the boundaries and limits, I would prefer it if we didn't need to take trips to the hospital to do so. Also, I'm your Mummy, I love you and I don't want to see you hurt. So, when I say don't do something, don't do it!
Love,
Mummy.
PS - for extra bonus points, it is also best not to look at Mummy whilst doing whatever it is that you have just been told not to do. That will really send me off on a whirling she banshee like rant.
*******
Dear Boys,
Carrying on a theme here, when I say DO something, best to do it. Preferably straight away. Certainly I'd prefer it if I didn't have to ask you 30 times before losing the plot to get you to put your shoes on/clean your teeth/sit down for dinner.
Love,
Mummy
********
Dear Adam,
When you deliberately set out to wind up your brother it has the effect of also winding your mother. Better all round if you don't do it in the first place.
Love,
Mummy
*********
Dear Luke,
If you wake up at 3.30am and insist that Mummy comes to see you and insist that Mummy also stay awake with you until 5.30am then please don't expect Mummy to be happy, bright and full of energy the next day. Particularly if the day is 40C plus. Mummy doesn't get the opportunity to nap in the middle of the day. Best to go back to sleep yourself, 3.30am is the middle of the night whichever way you look at it.
Love,
Your very tired Mummy.
*********
Dear Boys,
I'm sorry if I get very grumpy, cross and shout quite a lot. I honestly do try my best to be a good Mummy. I love you both ever so much, you are both the sweetest, cheekiest, loveliest little boys I know. I wake every morning promising myself that I will and do my very very very best for you, be the best Mummy that I can. Some days I succeed, other days I fail miserably. All I can promise is that every day I will keep trying.
All my love and for all time
Mummy.
**********
Dear Dave,
Thank you for everything you do. Even if I don't mention it at the time every time you cook dinner, come home early to rescue me from insanity, take the boys out for an hour to give me a break and doing their bathtimes pretty much every day I deeply deeply appreciate it. This bringing up children lark is tougher than we thought, but I love that we are doing it together and think we are not doing too badly. It is all the more fun for having you as the partner on the ride.
I love you.
PS - I still mean it about the laundry though. x
**********
*with a big acknowledgement to the amazing Kat at 3 Bedroom Bungalow who has a regular Dear So and So feature that I just love. As an aside she is also running a giveaway to celebrate her blogoversary (terrible word that, or is it just me?) which, unlike most bloggy give aways, has something that I quite like - so if you are looking for some really nice diaper/nappy bags then click here and enter.
Please leave my laundry alone. In particular please do not do any of the following:
1. post a felt tip pen into the laundry basket which will then leak bright orange all over my favourite skirt and the only decent white shirt that I have left.
2. Pull over the clothes horse when there is clean drying laundry on it. I know it makes a great den. But I need the laundry clean and dry.
3. Pull it over again when I have already told you not to do it.
4. Throw around clean and dry laundry that is folded ready to be put away.
Thanks for listening to me, I will appreciate it,
Love,
Mummy.
*******
Dear Boys,
If you want to go and play with the sprinkler I think this is a great idea. However, you do need to put on swimming stuff if you are going to get wet. This is not a trauma. Moreover, once your swimming stuff is on, do not to take it off before we even get outside, it just makes me cross, particularly if you then run around laughing dementedly.
Love,
Mummy.
*******
Dear Jess,
I know that you a are retriever and therefore predisposed to pick things up. But, please don't invade the clean laundry pile to do this. In particular please stop taking guests any of my underwear, or take my underwear outside and scatter it in the garden. Please also stop leaving one sock outside, the Bosnian tradition of taking your shoes off means that I do need to pair socks and I can't do this when one is buried in the flower bed.
Thank you,
The one that feeds you.
*******
Dear Boys,
Mummy is not a climbing frame. Really. I also have a really bad back. So, I'm really not joking when I say that I'm not a climbing frame.
Thank you,
Mummy
*********
Dear Boys,
Sometimes I can't do the same conversation more than 10 times in any given 15 minute period. So I apologize if my eyes glaze over and go a bit squiffy. When you are an adult you will understand.
Love,
Mummy.
**********
Dear Dave,
There is no magic fairy who picks up your clothes and puts them in the laundry basket. It is me. I appreciate this may come as a shock. I'm also the fairy who picks up the stuff that has been dumped in the middle of the floor and puts stuff in the rubbish bin.
Your ever loving wife.
*******
Dear Boys,
Cooking is hard. Cooking dinner that you will both eat is even harder. Cooking a dinner that you will both eat whilst at least one of you is whinging, hanging off my leg and the other is waving the wrong end of a mop in my face is near impossible. Managing to stay calm in this situation is never going to happen.
Love,
Mummy.
******
Dear Luke,
Please stop switching all the buttons on the washing machine. It is on its last legs as it is. And I don't think I can take another boil wash with clothes that aren't able to do it.
Love,
Mummy
********
Dear Boys,
I am not as obsessed with laundry as it appears. At least I don't think I am.
Love,
Mummy
*********
Dear Boys,
When I tell you not to do something it is generally because someone is going to get hurt if you carry on. Whilst I appreciate that you need to learn the boundaries and limits, I would prefer it if we didn't need to take trips to the hospital to do so. Also, I'm your Mummy, I love you and I don't want to see you hurt. So, when I say don't do something, don't do it!
Love,
Mummy.
PS - for extra bonus points, it is also best not to look at Mummy whilst doing whatever it is that you have just been told not to do. That will really send me off on a whirling she banshee like rant.
*******
Dear Boys,
Carrying on a theme here, when I say DO something, best to do it. Preferably straight away. Certainly I'd prefer it if I didn't have to ask you 30 times before losing the plot to get you to put your shoes on/clean your teeth/sit down for dinner.
Love,
Mummy
********
Dear Adam,
When you deliberately set out to wind up your brother it has the effect of also winding your mother. Better all round if you don't do it in the first place.
Love,
Mummy
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Dear Luke,
If you wake up at 3.30am and insist that Mummy comes to see you and insist that Mummy also stay awake with you until 5.30am then please don't expect Mummy to be happy, bright and full of energy the next day. Particularly if the day is 40C plus. Mummy doesn't get the opportunity to nap in the middle of the day. Best to go back to sleep yourself, 3.30am is the middle of the night whichever way you look at it.
Love,
Your very tired Mummy.
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Dear Boys,
I'm sorry if I get very grumpy, cross and shout quite a lot. I honestly do try my best to be a good Mummy. I love you both ever so much, you are both the sweetest, cheekiest, loveliest little boys I know. I wake every morning promising myself that I will and do my very very very best for you, be the best Mummy that I can. Some days I succeed, other days I fail miserably. All I can promise is that every day I will keep trying.
All my love and for all time
Mummy.
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Dear Dave,
Thank you for everything you do. Even if I don't mention it at the time every time you cook dinner, come home early to rescue me from insanity, take the boys out for an hour to give me a break and doing their bathtimes pretty much every day I deeply deeply appreciate it. This bringing up children lark is tougher than we thought, but I love that we are doing it together and think we are not doing too badly. It is all the more fun for having you as the partner on the ride.
I love you.
PS - I still mean it about the laundry though. x
**********
*with a big acknowledgement to the amazing Kat at 3 Bedroom Bungalow who has a regular Dear So and So feature that I just love. As an aside she is also running a giveaway to celebrate her blogoversary (terrible word that, or is it just me?) which, unlike most bloggy give aways, has something that I quite like - so if you are looking for some really nice diaper/nappy bags then click here and enter.
Friday, 16 January 2009
the road less travelled
A while back I asked all my friends to send me and the boys a post card should they be travelling anywhere. The idea was that we would add the postcards onto the large map of the world we have stuck on the wall and this would get the boys into the idea of maps (what can I say? I'm a geographer, I like colouring things in blue and believe SATNAV is a cheat).
The request went a bit viral and lots of people have sent us cards from all over the world, including amongst others Hongkong, Philadelphia, New Zealand, Vanuatu, Canada, Antarctica. The postman always looks at me askance as he hands over another postcard from some foreign land.
Today however came the pinnacle. A postcard arrived from Timbuktu. I'm so excited. This cannot be a standard or well worn postal route. And a big congratulations to the postal systems of Mali and Bosnia. I'm not sure the British system would have made it.
The request went a bit viral and lots of people have sent us cards from all over the world, including amongst others Hongkong, Philadelphia, New Zealand, Vanuatu, Canada, Antarctica. The postman always looks at me askance as he hands over another postcard from some foreign land.
Today however came the pinnacle. A postcard arrived from Timbuktu. I'm so excited. This cannot be a standard or well worn postal route. And a big congratulations to the postal systems of Mali and Bosnia. I'm not sure the British system would have made it.
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