Dear So and So Bosnian Version: Part iii

My biweekly opportunity to rant and get pithy with things that have annoyed/delighted me over the past couple of days. I encourage everyone to have a go at writing a Dear So and So post, it is surprisingly therapeutic.

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Dear Bosnian Taxi Drivers,

Just steady there with the stopping in the middle of the road to pick up and let down passengers. Usual etiquette suggests that you should wait until it is safe, indicate and then pull over. Or at least let the drivers behind you know that you are about to come to an abrupt halt.

Yours, with depleting brake pads and increasing Bosnian swear word vocabulary,
Fraught Mummy

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Dear Bosnian billboard advertisers,

I have a question. You know your advert, the one where there is a picture of a woman wearing nothing but a thong and with her hands in some very fetching yellow marigold rubber gloves placed delicately on her very perfect backside? You know the one? In the background there are a few men in suits, hard helmets, chewing on pens and looking thoughtful? Can you explain to me how this advert in any way promotes safety in the workplace?

Yours, in curiosity,
FM x

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Dear ice cream sellers on the Korzo,

You remember how last year there was a bit of a cold snap at the beginning of September? But then the month continued to be warm and sunny and perfect ice cream weather? Do you remember how you also stopped making ice cream at the very first sign of cold and then for the rest of the month we wanted ice-cream so badly but noone was selling it. The forecast for next week is a bit chilly, but then it looks as if it will heat up again. Please please please don't stop making ice cream until it really is too cold for it.

Yours, in appreciation of your amazing ice creams and wondering how we will get through the winter without it,
FM

PS - if you ever wanted to try making that blood orange ice-cream again, I'll buy a box of it!

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Dear Nursery,

Thanks for the offer of giving English lessons to the boys. I think they'll be ok without them.

Yours,
FM

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Dear Bosnian bathroom designers,

I know that Bosnians aren't that short (in fact there a lot of very tall Bosnians). So why are all your baths so tiny?

Yours, in desperation for a long hot soak without my knees around my ears,
FM

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Dear Bosnian Grannys,

Telling my children off in the supermarket is not acceptable, particularly when they were actually being pretty well behaved. I know you mean well, telling them to listen to their mother and to hold my hand is exactly what I have been telling them for, well, years. But if you shout at them in Bosnian it doesn't really help much.

Yours, only just holding my tongue in check,
FM

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Dear Boys,

Do you have a volume control? Could you use it? Particularly in the supermarket or when there are people around who are likely to tell me off.

Your only slightly deaf mother x

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Dear Bosnian Traffic Light Designers,

When I get a specific green light to turn right, I'm not expecting to come across a stream of pedestrians crossing the road who also have a green light. It always takes me, and quite a few other drivers, by surprise. Do you not think it might be better to let one group of road users have priority at a time?

Yours, in bewilderment,
FM

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Dear neighbours,

You've been ever so generous with the produce of your fruits trees. We've gorged on your cherries, raspberries, apples, peaches and plums. I can see the pear trees are looking pretty good and I'm feeling hopeful.

Yours in anticipation,
FM

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Dear Mum and Mum-in-law,

We can't wait to see you when you come out. A week on the Croatian coast near Dubrovnik is a very exciting prospect. The boys are so excited to spend some time with their Grannies. Please come bearing tea bags. We're nearly out and whilst everyone says that the 'crni caj' is the same thing, it just isn't and I can't function without my tea.

Only a few weeks to go now,
FM xx

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Dear Bosnian Football Team,

You're playing Armenia tomorrow. You have such a great opportunity to qualify for the World Cup in 2010. Go get 'em! Hajmo Bosno Bosno Bosno!

Yours, waving my blue and yellow flag enthusiastically,
FM

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Haven't had enough Dear So and So? There are a few others posting them too: Head on over to

Home Mum of 2 (or 3 if you count their Dad)

Muddling Along Mummy

London City Mum

Very Bored Housewife

Have a go yourself. And if you do, make sure to go to Kat's at 3 Bedroom Bungalow and sign up so that other fans of the genre can come and have a read too.

An English take on a Bosnian advertising campaign

More on the current billboard advertising campaigns in and around Tuzla. The ones that I am most bemused by is a large picture of a beautiful girl, glamorously dressed and fully made up, seated next to a loo roll holder with an expression of rapture. The tag line on the poster is "Let it Happen" (in English so there is no way that I have misunderstood it) and the advert is for something called Happening. For quite a long time I thought this was an unusual advert for laxatives. Bosnians are not frightened of advertising this type of thing, current condom adverts are "for women for whom 3 times is not enough" (!?). Turns out it is in fact an advertising campaign for a very fashionable women's boutique clothing range. Ah. Not quite the same thing at all.

This is not the first time that I have got the adverts spectacularly wrong. A whole bunch of pictures of pastel pink and purple butterflies entitled My Style, I attributed to a campaign for sanitary towels. No, it was in fact for cigarettes. I wasn't the only one who got this wrong, D also attributed it to some sort of feminine hygiene product and some American friends thought it was for a product which would have to be bought from a chemist.

Slightly worryingly I am now wondering what this says about our underlying psyche - whilst the Bosnians are thinking glamorous clothes and cigarettes, the Brits are a bit more obsessed with laxatives and sanitary products. Probably not too far from the truth.

Careful how you drive

A Drive Carefully campaign has hit Tuzla, with some force. All across the city there are now wrecked cars placed beside billboards explaining what happened to them. One jumped a red light. Another (upside down and really quite mashed) was driven by a drunk driver. The cars certainly grab your attention and I'm finding it to be quite an effective campaign.

As I have driven past about 5 accidents in the last week, I hope that the Bosnians pay some attention to these adverts and moderate their overtaking manoeuvres accordingly.