Friday, 4 September 2009

Dear So and So Bosnian Version: Part iii

My biweekly opportunity to rant and get pithy with things that have annoyed/delighted me over the past couple of days. I encourage everyone to have a go at writing a Dear So and So post, it is surprisingly therapeutic.

-------------------------------------

Dear Bosnian Taxi Drivers,

Just steady there with the stopping in the middle of the road to pick up and let down passengers. Usual etiquette suggests that you should wait until it is safe, indicate and then pull over. Or at least let the drivers behind you know that you are about to come to an abrupt halt.

Yours, with depleting brake pads and increasing Bosnian swear word vocabulary,
Fraught Mummy

-----------------------------------------------

Dear Bosnian billboard advertisers,

I have a question. You know your advert, the one where there is a picture of a woman wearing nothing but a thong and with her hands in some very fetching yellow marigold rubber gloves placed delicately on her very perfect backside? You know the one? In the background there are a few men in suits, hard helmets, chewing on pens and looking thoughtful? Can you explain to me how this advert in any way promotes safety in the workplace?

Yours, in curiosity,
FM x

-----------------------------------------

Dear ice cream sellers on the Korzo,

You remember how last year there was a bit of a cold snap at the beginning of September? But then the month continued to be warm and sunny and perfect ice cream weather? Do you remember how you also stopped making ice cream at the very first sign of cold and then for the rest of the month we wanted ice-cream so badly but noone was selling it. The forecast for next week is a bit chilly, but then it looks as if it will heat up again. Please please please don't stop making ice cream until it really is too cold for it.

Yours, in appreciation of your amazing ice creams and wondering how we will get through the winter without it,
FM

PS - if you ever wanted to try making that blood orange ice-cream again, I'll buy a box of it!

------------------------------------------

Dear Nursery,

Thanks for the offer of giving English lessons to the boys. I think they'll be ok without them.

Yours,
FM

--------------------------------------------

Dear Bosnian bathroom designers,

I know that Bosnians aren't that short (in fact there a lot of very tall Bosnians). So why are all your baths so tiny?

Yours, in desperation for a long hot soak without my knees around my ears,
FM

-------------------------------------------

Dear Bosnian Grannys,

Telling my children off in the supermarket is not acceptable, particularly when they were actually being pretty well behaved. I know you mean well, telling them to listen to their mother and to hold my hand is exactly what I have been telling them for, well, years. But if you shout at them in Bosnian it doesn't really help much.

Yours, only just holding my tongue in check,
FM

-------------------------------------------

Dear Boys,

Do you have a volume control? Could you use it? Particularly in the supermarket or when there are people around who are likely to tell me off.

Your only slightly deaf mother x

-------------------------------------------

Dear Bosnian Traffic Light Designers,

When I get a specific green light to turn right, I'm not expecting to come across a stream of pedestrians crossing the road who also have a green light. It always takes me, and quite a few other drivers, by surprise. Do you not think it might be better to let one group of road users have priority at a time?

Yours, in bewilderment,
FM

------------------------------------------

Dear neighbours,

You've been ever so generous with the produce of your fruits trees. We've gorged on your cherries, raspberries, apples, peaches and plums. I can see the pear trees are looking pretty good and I'm feeling hopeful.

Yours in anticipation,
FM

---------------------------------------------

Dear Mum and Mum-in-law,

We can't wait to see you when you come out. A week on the Croatian coast near Dubrovnik is a very exciting prospect. The boys are so excited to spend some time with their Grannies. Please come bearing tea bags. We're nearly out and whilst everyone says that the 'crni caj' is the same thing, it just isn't and I can't function without my tea.

Only a few weeks to go now,
FM xx

--------------------------------------------

Dear Bosnian Football Team,

You're playing Armenia tomorrow. You have such a great opportunity to qualify for the World Cup in 2010. Go get 'em! Hajmo Bosno Bosno Bosno!

Yours, waving my blue and yellow flag enthusiastically,
FM

---------------------------------------------

Haven't had enough Dear So and So? There are a few others posting them too: Head on over to

Home Mum of 2 (or 3 if you count their Dad)

Muddling Along Mummy

London City Mum

Very Bored Housewife

Have a go yourself. And if you do, make sure to go to Kat's at 3 Bedroom Bungalow and sign up so that other fans of the genre can come and have a read too.

19 comments:

gaelikaa said...

Emily, that was very good. I would love to attempt a post like this. My only fear is that it would be really long - about ten times as long as your one!

Kat said...

Do you need me to post you some tea? PG Tips or some other brand?

Mwa said...

We have the same traffic light problem in Belgium. The Dutch don't do this, so whenever I drive in Holland, the people behind me think I'm too slow turning right because I'm always waiting for the pedestrians to cross first. You'd think with all the European rules, they could agree on that one.

I'm off to make myself a cup of imported Tetley now.

Half Mum Half Biscuit said...

That made me laugh. I love how the 'dear so and so' format gives the impression of being completely in control and very calm re situations that must be anything but! I'm tempted to have a go...after I get a glut of work done...

nappy valley girl said...

It's a great format. I'll have a go myself sometime, there's plenty of fodder.

Would you believe America has the same issue with traffic lights? The 'walk' light crossing the main road near our house does not seem to prevent cars from turning right straight into the crossing, which they seemingly are allowed to do. Grrr. British traffic light designers rule the world, clearly.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Oh darling this was GREAT !! You are hilarious :) AND, hey, if you want me to send a letter to the ice-cream-people for you I'll do it. We should all send letters and a petition cuz Ice cream is important, I'm for realz. Let me know. :P

Big Mama Cass said...

hahaha!! Sounds like Bosnia is a very interesting place!!! And street lights are like that here in America too! lol

Mamma Po said...

Brilliant. Just brilliant. I really think you should send a compilation of these to a publisher. Such a succinct and amusing way of getting a window into another world.

Holiday on the Croatian coast sounds fab. Sailor Boy and I sailed around the coast and islands north of Split in our early years together. It's still our most memorable holiday, beating the Greek Islands, Australia and yes, the Isle of Wight (just). We can't wait to return in a year or so with the kids.

Btw...ever tried making yr own ice-cream? Nigella does a scrummy blood orange version and my particular fave is Basil and Lemon. Husband's is Chilli. Surprisingly moreish.

Metropolitan Mum said...

How cool is this? I have to try one myself. Soon. There's lots to complain about. Have a lovely weekend! xx MM

Yummy Mammy said...

If I did a post like that I'd be sat here all day and you'd be reading it for a week ha ha, but you made me laugh in the process xx

P.S. Did you get my email about postings etc

Muddling Along Mummy said...

What a great idea ... sort of avoids the quiet internal ranting that shortly becomes an explosion over nothing

Particularly like the offer of English lessons

p.s. do you want some teabags posting ?

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

Gaelikka - glad you like it. I have a ton of other stuff to put in, that's why I feel I need to make this post a regular one! Try it, I'd love to see you postcards from India.

Kat - I think we can last until the Grannys come out, but if I get desperate I might have to give you a shout! Thanks.

Mwa - That must be confusing. At least I can only drive in one country which means I only need to get my head around one set of traffic laws at a time.

HMHB - in control? ha ha ha ha ha (excuse me, I appear to have fallen off my chair). generally I am anything but. But i love the impression of it!

NVG - Got to love the British traffic light designers. A much underated aspect of our country I feel. One set of road users with priority at a time please. Otherwise my brain can't cope.

Gringa - Ice cream is important. I tell you, it really is!

BMC - Nappy Valley Girl said that too about the traffic lights in the US. How do you cope?

MP - Croatian coast is really lovely. The islands north of Split are stunning too. This time we are going to be south of Split, nearer Dubrovnik, which is also WELL worth a sail when your two get a bit older!

MM - Try it, try it! The posts are such fun to write and I do feel like I get payback for all those moanie moments.

YM - There is always that danger. I saved a few for next time. PS - yes did get your email, am all lined up for it, will email you shortly.

MAM - The English lesson offer made me laugh too. They were serious though. Maybe Adam would enjoy them, a chance to show off?

Mamma Po said...

Ok, I've done it, I've tried my own version! Not a patch on yours I'm afraid but perhaps they'll improve with time...

Maternal Tales said...

So funny. Love them. Totally know the bath thing - I lived in Paris for a while and nobody has a normal sized bath, not even if they have enough space. Gets a tad annoying after a while. And I love the nursery one too - hilarious x

Iota said...

Tea, tea, tea. I hope the grannies bring you plenty!

And the volume control. Yes. Where IS that button? I never did find it on my kids.

Anonymous said...

Dear Emily,
We do so enjoy reading your "postcards." It's all so spot on for Tuzla. Your posts are keeping us there in spirit.-Toni

Paradise Lost In Translation said...

Oh I am SO with you on every one of these. SOunds pretty much like further south. Albanians have many o fthe same habits. I'd love to give these a go, very cathartic I imagine!

Crumpet said...

Just brilliant. And very therapeutic too...!

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

MP - I loved them, just brilliant.

MT - The rest of the world doesn't know what it is missing out on when they don't have big enough baths.

Iota - they had better! We might not let them into the country if they don't.

Anon/Toni - you can picture the scenes so very well...

PLT - do try them, they are fun to write. I think Bosnia and Albania probably have a fair amount in common.

Crumpet - glad you liked them!