Friday, 30 October 2009

Dear So and So: Bosnian Version Part VI

It's been a while since my last Dear So and So, but it is a miserable dank damp day outside and writing some always cheer me up. So, my pen is out, I have postcards with pretty pictures of Tuzla assembled and away we go.

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Dear Outside Dog,

I have no idea where you go all day, but I'm always pleased to feel you curling around my legs at dinner time as I tend to worry that you have become today's road kill. Everyone else teases me for making you a hot water bottle every night to keep you warm, but I think you like it. You'll never be an inside dog, your stray mentality is too strongly entrenched, but I love having you around. Plus you are a much better guard dog than that great big wussy Golden Retriever that lives here all the time.

Yours, with an extra large piece of off-cut meat,
Fraught Mummy x

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Dear Adam,

You are ever so clever for putting on your PJ's all by yourself. But was it totally necessary to announce straight afterwards that 'I don't need Mummy any more' . Daggers to the heart. Ice cold daggers.

Your suddenly panicking about my big growing up boy Mummy xxx

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Dear PhD Supervisor,

I'm looking forward to you coming out to visit next week. Obviously I have been doing far too much blogging and not nearly enough work, but I'm hoping by dazzling you with Bosnia you might not notice. But, if you don't bring a box of tea bags with you, you do run a strong risk of being left to fend for yourself on a snowy mountainous road in the Republika Srpska. Just saying.

Your errant student,
FM

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Dear Bosnian Car Import authorities,

There is no other way to say this. I have said it to you many times. So here we go again. THE BRITISH CAR AUTHORITIES DON'T ISSUE CAR EXPORT CERTIFICATES. This doesn't change however much you ask me for it. We are only trying to temporarily import the car. You have got 6,000KM of my money held hostage until we re-export it. I have spent HOURS of my life hanging around several different customs offices trying to keep small children amused and out of trouble. Trust me, if we didn't HAVE to import the car, we wouldn't be. So give us the bloody Bosnian plates and I'll keep out of your hair until we leave the country.

Yours, seriously blowing a gasket and with a genuine worry for my blood pressure,
FM

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Dear Tuzla Police,

Given the difficulties we are having in trying to comply with your laws (see previous postcard) was it really necessary to order that the car is only able to drive within the confines of the city of Tuzla? We can't even go to visit some friends in the countryside 15 minutes drive away. How long is this going to go on for? I've got myself some serious cabin fever going on. Please can someone give us the goddamn bloody licence plates!

Yours, having taken to hissing at the police station every time we drive past,
FM

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Dear Market Stall holders,

I know that there are pumpkins here, because I can see them growing everywhere. I also know that most people only grow them to feed the pigs. But as it is very very nearly Halloween and I'd like to spend the afternoon carving pumpkins with the boys, could you please just find one or two to sell to us?

Yours, wanting to be all scary and spooky,
FM

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To all those PR people who write to me offering products to review,

It is always nice to receive an offer for something to review, and I always have a good look to see whether I want to do it. But, if I reply that I'm game, to then decide that you can't post the article to Bosnia is a bit poor. It shouldn't come as a total surprise that I'm based in Bosnia, did you look at the blog name before contacting me? And comments that you are worried about things getting lost in the post are such garbage - last time I looked it wasn't the Bosnian Postal system that was on strike.

Yours, confident that my postcards will reach you,
FM

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Dear smart Bosnian clothing stores in the centre of town,

How can you charge so much for your clothes? My eyes water every time I see your prices, they'd be expensive in the UK, let alone here. And your sales are rubbish. 10% simply doesn't constitute a sale. I'm looking for 50% at least.

Yours, still needing another jumper,
FM

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Dear cheaper Bosnian clothing stores,

You totally believe in pile em high and sell them cheap (or at least cheaper). But trying to find something that fits my children when I can't see my children as they have disappeared under the piles of strewn about clothing is very tricky.

Yours, unable to take the pressure of stopping the boys manically jumping on everything in your stores, FM

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Dear Boys,

I've really been enjoying the last couple of days with you. The fighting doesn't seem as bad, the screaming and shrieking a bit less frequent and we've come up with some good games. My favourite has been wriggling around on the floor with straws in our mouths pretending to be divers. I'm starting to feel a bit less freaked about the long, cold, dark winter months ahead. You two, well you two are absolutely great.

Love you so much,
Mummy xxx

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Want a go yourself? Head on over to Kat's 3 Bedroom Bungalow to add your name to the list. It's like therapy but better.

18 comments:

TheMadHouse said...

Oj for darling boys. I too am finding this half term and the boys easier that I anticipated, so the dark dark winter doesnt seem to bad. I love the divers on the floor idea, will have to give that a try. we have been star wars goodies and baddies tonight. MiniMad is Dark Vader!!!!

ck said...

Oh no, Adam! Don't say things like that. :)

(Even though I often wish my daughters didn't need me so much, when they say it out loud it breaks me a little bit.)

Audrey said...

Nearly 11 weeks post-birth I am still too much of a hormonal wreck to cope with the idea that one day my small man will say he doesn't need me any more, even if only in the context of PJs! The horror.

What's the PhD in?

Kat said...

Dear Fraught Mummy,
Here is an idea for clothes shopping for the boys. Take one boy at a time if it is possible. It makes it MUCH easier.
Smooches, Kat

Tattie Weasle said...

Can't you pretned the car you are bringing over belongs to your Austrian Princerss step mother and she's just driving it through and keep the British Tags - Or would that be just to simple for the authorities?

WeDoAdventure said...

We popped up to Sarajevo last weekend. Here's the updates:

If your supervisor fails you I discoverd somewhere that sells Twinnings (loose or bags) and McVities!

The BBI Centar is actually cheaper than the open car park near the theatre over night and the same price during the day.

Cinema City, next door to BBI Centar, give refunds when (if?) their projectors break down during the opening credits!

Metropolitan Mum said...

You are not allowed to leave town? You've got to be joking. What do they do to criminals on probation? Burry them hip-high in concrete?

Little tip for handling your PHD supervisor: why not dazzle him with Bosnian schnapps?

Pollyanna said...

Yikes! Too bad about the car - that truly s*cks.

And I understand that gut wrenching feeling you get when your child doesn't need you for something anymore. But on the bright side, THEY DON'T NEED YOU FOR THAT ONE SOMETHING ANYMORE! Whoopee! Have a piece of chocolate to celebrate. Go ahead, you have time to sneak some in because he's busy getting himself dressed :)

rosiescribble said...

I love the 'I don't need mummy anymore' comment. Don't worry he does! And I agree, they should post items to Bosnia if they are emailing you. Which part of Bosnia in your blog title did they miss?!!

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

MH - it was fun. We put the goggles on them to and spent ages climbing on and off boats. Love Dark Vader. Adam insists that the Phantom Menace is actually Fanta Tennis...

ck - killed me. But then he asked me to wipe his bottom, so I guess he still needs me just a little bit!

Audrey - it killed me. PhD is in role of football in reconciliation in post conflict countries.

Kat - I know, I know! Just never seem to organise it like that!

TW - too simple for them. I can't start on the car, it affects my blood pressure too much.

WDA - spill the beans on the McVities venue! Chocolate ones? Hobnobs? I'm dribbling onto the keyboard.

MM - We can leave, but the car can't. Grrrrrr.

Pollyanna - he still needs me to wipe his bottom. Guess I'm still useful for something!

Rosie - Exactly!

angelsandurchinsblog said...

Dear Brits in Bosnia,

Thank you for this heartwarming post. It's a grey old day in your former 'hood in leafy south west London. Lots of things went bump in the night, so we're all exhausted. Give that dog a nice pat (and glad it's 'off-cuts' of meat rather than 'off meat', as I first read it), and don't worry too much about PJs. They're boys, and will be yours, all yours, until they marry, as my mil once told me with, what I hope, was a not-too-sad smile.

ourprivateblog.wordpress.com said...

These always make me laugh!!! ps - finally on my sitemeter I saw that someone from Bosnia (and I'm guessing it's you) has had a look at the blog - usually you just come up as being from somewhere 'unknown' - yeaaaah Bosnia is on the map!!!

Big Beluga Baby said...

Really very sorry to her of your number plate problems with the authorities. It took me five working days (40 hours) to register our car in Brazil once. Made me cry. I feel your pain. On the bright side, there is NO beaurocracy (i just cant spell that) in the world now that can get to me! Bring it on, policemen in ridiculously large hats that wave traffic batons at me all the time in Almaty because we have foreigners plates!

nixdminx said...

I love your Dear so and so stuff, it's always a great read. And yes, the postal service here is up the swanny - I just received a backlog of three months of bank statements going back to May this week, shocking! x

Saba said...

Adam is great!

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

A&U - I know they'll be mine. I just hope I've managed to get him to wipe his own bottom before he is married off...

Kathryn - we've been playing around with internet things (we - ha ha - obviously I mean Dave). I have no idea where I ususally show up from.

BBB - don't start me on the admin. We reckon it would have taken less time and cost less AND been less stressful to drive back to the UK, re-register the car there and not started this process in the first place...

Nixd - the postal system might be working here, but picking up a parcel is not a fun afternoons entertainment! Way too much stamping and forms and handing over of money for my liking.

Saba - he is. Thanks!

Audrey said...

Wow, what a great topic. That's so interesting. I think that sort of thing is fascinating. Very best of luck with it :)

Liberty London Girl said...

I have a similar PR one:
Dear UK PR
Thank you for you very terse hectoring email enquiring as to why I haven't agreed to attend your Bribe the Bloggers with Free Booze evening in London tomorrow. If you had bothered to even look at my blog you would realise that a) I am anonymous which rather negates the need to meet other bloggers and b) which bit of MANHATTAN passed you by?

Sigh. LLGxx