Property Porn

I love me a good Property porn moment. You know those shows when people buy a wreck in the depths of some foreign countryside and then have do it up (with inevitable dramas) to a beautiful house and then proceed to live the good life with their peach orchards and free range chickens. Grand Designs is one of my favourite shows of all time, but any of them will do really.

Since we've been in Bosnia I've been approached by countless TV companies and journalists all wanting to do a similar show in Bosnia. Because, in case you've missed it, Bosnia is apparently the latest property hot spot. Bargains a-plenty to be had. Don't balk at the Balkans as a recent Sunday Times Property section article had it.

Now Bosnia is a wonderful country. It is beautiful, spectacularly so. There are snow-capped mountains, with great skiing and cool, emerald green rivers. There are untouched forests, river gorges, wonderful hiking and mountain biking opportunities (if you are interested in taking a holiday here then have a look at GreenVisions who organise excellent tours). It is very close to the Adriatic Sea and even has its own 12km stretch of coast line near Dubrovnik. The legacies of the Ottoman and Austro-Hungarian Empires have left some very attractive cities, full of culture. The people are fabulous; funny, irreverent, generous to a fault and full of life. The weather is great, hot, dry summers full of swimming in lakes, barbeques and outside activities. Proper, cold winters with snow, skiing, ice-skating and excellent hot chocolate. It is the perfect place for a Property Porn style programme.

Except it isn't. I wouldn't buy a property in Bosnia. I love the country, I love the people. I've been to a few of this type of house and they are wonderful. But there are many, many factors which would stop me from investing huge amounts of my personal money into a stone farmhouse ruin of a dream.

1. The political situation. Headlines from British Newspapers saying that Bosnia is on the brink of war are probably overblown. Certainly no one I know here seriously expects that the country is going to descend into full-scale conflict again. But, the political situation is here is tense. Very tense. They have been quiet over the winter, but with elections later this year and the nationalists gearing up to try and scare the local population into voting for them, I certainly wouldn't say that it was stable. There is a very real possibility of some isolated violence over the next couple of months.

2. The Bureaucracy: Regular readers of this blog will know how much time, energy and pure levels of pain is taken up dealing with the Bosnian bureaucracy. Really, it is the true definition of purgatory. The extent of the Catch 22 that ensnares unsuspecting victims is jaw dropping. Not to mention expensive. For example, to temporarily import our car we have had to put up a £3000 bank guarantee. This is to ensure that we don't sell it whilst we are here. If we wanted to permanently import it, we would have to pay that amount of money. You can't buy a car here unless you have a residency visa. The police are cracking down on foreigners who live here on their tourist visas, just popping over the border every three months to keep in current. They need to; it is an obligation for them to do so if they want to continue along the road of EU membership.

3. Mines: Landmines were a common feature of the Bosnian war. There have been many areas that have been cleared. Many areas have not. Many of the areas that would be most attractive for potential property buyers (e.g. the areas close to the Croatian coast line) were extensively mined during the war. As a totally random aside, apparently the mines, which have meant that many of the forests and wilder areas of the country have been totally untouched for the past 20 years or so, have been brilliant for the wildlife. Whilst the odd bear or wolf may get blown up, the total lack of mans interference in these areas has led to real benefits for these creatures. I find that fascinating.

4. Planning: Planning has not really been a big feature of the Bosnian development of cities and industry so far. This is changing (Tuzla being very proud of the fact that it has recently bought in some form of planning system to try and create zones for industry rather than the hotch potch that is prevalent now). But, as it stands, a factory can be built almost anywhere. Someone can build a house right on the border line of their property, over looking gardens, looking straight into windows. No one here blinks an eye at that, but coming from a good English 'my home is my castle', I find it a touch unnerving.  I should probably also mention that even if planning laws were implemented, it probably wouldn't stop someone who had the right connections and enough money from totally circumventing them if they wanted to, respect for the rule of law not being what it ought to be at all levels. So, I would be very worried that my Bosnian dream property might find itself right next to a cement factory and there would be nothing that I could do about it.

5. Property Title: As mentioned above, respect for the rule of law isn't as strong in Bosnia as it might be. The issue of property title is also relevant. During the latest war, half the population were displaced. Some have returned. Some haven't. There was a fairly rigorous return of property programme, but I'd not have total confidence that no one else would have claim to that property that was being sold. It is also worth remembering that Bosnia used to be a Communist country, and title to property was not always clear cut.



There are a number of other things that I would worry about. I do find it particularly telling that most of these Property Porn programmes, so keen to sell Bosnia as the next property hotspot, have never actually been to the country. I also find it very revealing that most of the people who have bought here are married to Bosnians or, at the very least, speak the language.

I feel a bit let down. I'll never be able to see their articles and programmes in the same way now I know the type of issues that they have concealed. What am I going to dream about now, in those idle moments when I envisage myself wafting around in a white floaty dress in a lavender field carrying a wicker basket before heading back to my stone farmhouse with its enormous kitchen, big wooden table with never ending sunshine and beautifully behaved children?  Maybe I'll just aim for having children that aren't dismantling the house. Probably more realistic.